Unwritten Library Rules

The library is like the Hunger Games. Only the best make it out alive. When you pass through the ominous electronic gates of doom, basic social norms are forgotten and ruthless savage instinct is the only way forward. Even the most kind-hearted souls among us must lower themselves to this level of baseness, adopting the popular “if you can’t beat them, join them” approach.

I think this is just plain wrong. Being a twat in the library just because everyone else is a twat in the library has become a necessary evil, but I think we can do better than that. I would like to think that these are unwritten rules that everyone obeys but seeing as that isn’t the case let’s write them down, just so everyone is clear.

Starting with couples. Just to confirm, I’m not single and bitter, but I still don’t want your loved-up PDA distracting me from my equally thrilling history reading. Personally I can think of far more romantic places for a date than the silent section sofas, most of which allow the added bonus of a real conversation. The library is depressing enough on a Saturday night without you rubbing your sexual tension in our faces. If essays aren’t enough to keep you and your beloved apart, try writing them together at home. In bed. Naked if you wish. Let’s keep the library a PG-13 zone.

Surely this one’s a given.

Next in the firing line is a particularly deceptive library user. We all know the feeling, the excitement when SAULCAT tells you the one book you need is “in library”. You scribble down the number, sprint to the shelf, only to discover that it’s gone. You look up and down the aisle but there is no-one to be seen. You have fallen victim to the person who uses books without checking them out. How difficult is it to check out a book?! It literally takes 2 seconds. It’s good karma. Do it, make someone else’s day a bit more bearable.

Now for the seat-hogger. Unless you’re obese, you do not need two seats. Your books/bag/snacks do not need a seat of their own. Neither, for that matter, do your feet. We all know there aren’t enough seats in the library, so let go of your stranger danger prejudices and let them sit down. You might even make a friend. (Exceptions may of course be made for that awkward Lizard hook-up who now stalks you).

Finally, the procrastinator (also known as the skiver, the slacker). Whether they’re taking up a sacred computer spot to check Facebook, Buzzfeed or, worse, The Daily Mail (the ultimate crime in an intellectual space), grimacing for constant Snapchat updates or even sleeping, basically, they’re not doing any work and it makes the rest of us jealous. Get out, go steal someone else’s free heating.

A procrastinator’s dream. And the rest of the library’s nightmare.

Photo Credit: journalism.co.uk and The Stand