The Stand’s St Andrews Bucket List

I’m a fourth year. Maybe you are too. Maybe you just share my gut-wrenching willy-wilting heart-shuddering terror at the impending end. But wait, my fair adventurers, there is yet hope. You can still make the most of your time in St Andrews. I present to you, the Ultimate Bucket List. If I’ve left anything out, please comment.

Before we start, please identify yourself with one of the following categories so that the list can generate an appropriate activity according to how fun/ crazy/ stupid you are:

Grey:  You want a degree, a job and maybe a spouse from your University career. Someone is paying a lot of money for this opportunity so you’d better make the most of it… You’re boring. You clearly won’t actually carry out any activities on this list so just leave.

Blue: The toe dipper: You did the May Dip did you? You mean, you stayed up all night drinking prosecco and then Rupert and Arlington splashed you after they went in fully clothed. Aren’t you all just crazy? No. You’re not. Your life is dull and meaningless. This bucket list will make provisions to accommodate your manifest dullness but frankly you’re not getting any respect from me… or anyone else for that matter.

Green: “I’ll try anything once”, oooh, aren’t you just a right laugh.
This is the category with which most of you will self-identify so I’m not going to insult you…

Red: The Nutter. You do stupid things for attention. You were the kid who ate worms and the funny red berries on the bush at the side of the playground because you lacked social, sporting or academic talent. Now you engage in ever more dangerous and degrading stunts in a pathetic quest to validate your own existence.

1) Do the Fife Coastal Path:

Blue: At least make it to Crail.

Green: Anstruther, Fish and Chips, bus back home.

Red: Follow the path north… to Dundee.

2) Academic Incest:

Blue: You played twister with your sister.

Green: You were drunk, he was drunk… then you had a three year relationship.

Red: Oh god! Not your actual sister!

3) May Dip:

Blue: Toe Dipping.

Green: Full “Pentecostal Baptism” immersion.

Red: You’re naked, you can’t see the beach anymore… it’s not even May…

4) Balls and Fashion shows and all that crap

Blue: Go to a ball… have a ball.

Green: Go into your overdraft for a ball.

Red: Shame yourself and your university by being portrayed as oafishly posh in the Daily Mail the next day.

5) Pier Jump:

Blue: High tide on a sunny day after 20 minute of cajoling.

Green: Dive headfirst! Push yourself! Live a little!

Red: It’s snowing, you’re naked, you’re standing on the railings at the top… but the tide’s probably in.

 6) Try Golf:

Blue: Have a drink in 1 Golf Place.

Green: You tried lessons… turns out golf is a bit shit.

Red: Do not steal the flag from the 18^th hole! That is theft and illegal…

7) Experience the town’s history:

Blue: Go to the castle, climb St Rule’s tower.

Green: Go to the castle… at night.

Red: Do not climb the scaffolding around the castle. That’s highly dangerous…

8) Do The Lizard:

Blue: Buy an expensive drink and grind against a stranger.

Green: Pull!

Red: Pull sober.

And finally…enjoy St Andrews! There’s nowhere else quite like it.

 

Image Credits: St Andrews Memes, Trip Advisor, Tour Scotland Photographs