The G1 Off

Dominating the St Andrews restaurant scene are the culinary powerhouse G1 restaurants. Found in the heart of Market Street, these institutions are a force to be reckoned with.  We decided to see how they stack up against one another, taking into account all the most important factors one must consider for selecting a dinner destination.

Best smelling toilets:  Compared with the pungent aroma of last night’s alcohol induced expulsions in the bathrooms of the Vic, those of Mitchell and of Forgan’s are positively fragrant.

Best tasting water:  The H20 at the Vic far surpasses that of Forgan’s or Mitchell with the occasional addition of cucumber for a cooling twist on this every day beverage. So if you are looking for a good hydration fix to accompany your meal, the Vic should be your watering hole.

Most attractive staff:  As educated St Andreans, we NEVER judge on looks alone, so we would prefer to rate the staff on the entirety of their beings.  However, the minimal face time afforded to us during our meals means that we must rule this a three-way tie.

Best cushion buoyancy:  Mitchell’s tweed suit seat far surpasses the seating at the other G1 restaurants as the place to place your ass. Not too hard and not too soft, it’s perfectly SUITable.

People watching potential: If you suspect that the date might go poorly, request a seat by the window at Mitchell, a prime location to scope out a new romantic prospect if your current date happens to be a dud.  No chat-up lines needed, a cheeky wink from inside the window should reel ‘em in.

Post date success-rate potential: Forgan’s, if you think you’ve got enough charm to keep things interesting for the entire date. Pick The Vic if your personality requires more alcoholic lubrication.

Location: In a town where a 20-minute walk is considered excessive, a few steps are akin to several miles.  Depending from which direction you’re coming, you may be inclined to stop several feet (miles) short of your destination in favour of your closest G1 branch.  Mitchell wins for being slap bang in between the two others, appeasing those from both east and west, and the lands good and bad.  With it also residing next to Tesco, if one happens to not be satisfied by one’s meal,  get snacks for the road or Tesco’s box wine for one if a date goes sour.

Pretentiousness level: Forgan’s takes the cake (just barely) due to its ridiculously over-sized bar and its gourmet assertions.  However, Mitchell comes in at a close second thanks to its faux-local pastoral feel and deli, all very ironic coming from a corporation that owns half of Glasgow.  The Vic, while holding a special place in our hearts, cannot boast pretence because of its sticky floors and our hazy memories of past nights out.

Oh, and the food:  Forgan’s is fairly overrated, equipped with the same standard of food as Mitchell but marred with a significant hike in price.  If you fancy a nice meal out, and must have some G1, Mitchell is the place to see and be seen. The Vic, however, gets you the most satisfaction for your dolla (unless of course, it’s a date—see “post date success-rate potential category above). And the onion rings are to die for.

Aside from all of the piss-taking, what would St. Andrews’ dining scene and nightlife be without the Holy Trinity? We’re sure the Union will live up to the sky-high standards G1 has already established and let’s be honest, for our beloved Union, the only way is up.