Glitter Ball: What to Wear

Calling all Jazzlettes! This Saturday, brace yourselves for the most extravagant fiesta in St Andrews HERstory. Glitter Ball is a galactic collision of our two most favourite things – glitter and balls – and it’s the perfect opportunity to channel your inner Jazzle Sister. Therefore, everything about your outfit should be as extreme as possible. Cover your entire body in glitter. Cover your entire hair in glitter. Cover all of your possessions, even your family and pets, in glitter. As a wise queen once said, “If you can’t hide it, throw some f***ing glitter on it”. If we see anyone, even if you’re not going to the ball, in an outfit that breaks any of the following rules, we will report you for public indecency (crimes against fashion).

If a smize could kill

1) Glitter

In this picture Rujazzle is serving up a glitzy glamorous glittery extravaganza. Glitter is everything at this ball, whether it’s sequins on your dress, rhinestones on your face, diamonds in your hair or a vajazzle in your secret garden. This beautiful dress modelled by Rujazzle is available in the clearance section of www.discountstripper.com (we’re not even joking).

2) Height

It’s a Jazzle imperative that everything on your person should be as close to heaven as possible. This means your hemline, your hair and your feet. If your hair isn’t big enough, wear a wig, or three. In the Jazzle Pad (the notorious bordello above Greggs), there is a two wig minimum rule. Nothing is out of bounds: even getting a cheeky little facelift. If you can’t afford one, there’s always makeup. But remember to be subtle: three coats of makeup are enough.

3)

Cher from Clueless once said, “sometimes you have to show a little skin”, and we agree. Except by little, we mean a lot. Polyester is so in this season, especially when it’s skin tight and reveals most of your back. It’s all over the runways in Paris, probably. 

Everything must be see-through, or there will be trouble

4)

Benjazzle is seen here traversing the treacherous dunes on her way to the Old Course. These shoes are the perfect example of what you should grace your feet with. Not only will they extend your height by almost a foot, they will also make you tall enough to be pole danced around. Move aside St Rules tower: there’s something much taller in town, and it’s Benjazzle’s heels.

When you go hiking, make sure you always pack short shorts, maracas and seven inch heels.

So go out and snatch your tickets for Glitter Ball fast! This is one of the Jazzle Sisters final live performances before Benjazzle graduates (weeps). She just got accepted to Edin-her University for a PhD in fierce.

BSOCs: Biggest Shoes on Campus.

Finally, remember; when you arrive make sure all the other girls GAG. Slay the runway, serve, work it and smise until your eyes bleed. #JazzleDomination

Images courtesy of the Jazzle Sisters, Kelly Diepenbrock, and PINUP Photography.