Le Supermarché Makes Us Cray

Tesco’s. It’s the culinary core of St. Andrews, fulfilling all your basic needs i.e. chocolate, plastic cups and gin. Usually a happy place (it sells pick ‘n’ mix), as of late it has evolved into a microcosm, home to  awkward encounters with past late-night friends…that you met in The Liz…and declared undying love for, after ten minutes. The harsh lighting juxtaposed with your hungover state makes for an incredibly unsettling grocery shop. Who needs the judgement of the grannies of Fife who sneer at your ten packets of party rings and a leek? So, we have devised a full-proof plan to help you get through the trauma of our local supermarket:

1. CARRY YOUR LOO PAPER WITH PRIDE. Who cares that the guy you’ve been pining after for over six months now watches you struggling with a 20-pack of Tesco’s Own. We all get runny noses from time to time.
2. The ‘queue’ to leave: the awkward moment when you realise the Post-grad you were ‘having fun with’ last semester is stood adjacent to you in the queue. Our advice is, be a good Samaritan and let the other , two or twenty people in the queue go ahead of you, giving you more time to browse the popcorn aisle whilst waiting for your old acquaintance to leave.
3. Last and finally, just say YES. When the cashier says ‘Someone’s having a party tonight’ when they see not a basket but a trolley laden with strawberry laces and fish fingers, you do not attempt to justify for five minutes your crazy night in for one. Instead you lie.
4. You could attempt to go further afield to Sainsbury’s. However, be warned: this is home to many a tutor grabbing a cheeky meal deal before that last lecture of the day. Soooo that “car accident” that left you “unable to walk” to the tutorial this morning may appear somewhat void.

#Tescomakesusloco, so head to Morrison’s instead. We hear they do cracking scented candles.

Image courtesy of: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/ipad/convenience-store-liquor-push/story-fn6bfm6w-1226129307115