Sunday League promotion for #Cowin

In a twist more dramatic than Aguero’s title-winning goal, more thrilling than United’s 1999 Champions League win, more heart-warming than goalkeeper Jimmy Glass’ game-winning goal that kept Carlisle in the football league, newly-formed Sunday League side #Cowin have achieved promotion from Division 1 to the St Andrews Sunday League Premier Division…by default.

It appeared as though they would be required to win their last game against league leaders DRP to ensure promotion; however, it transpired that not only did Blackadders, previously level on points with #Cowin, lose their match to the lowly New Thumpers, but they were also deducted three points for failing to provide a referee.

Therefore, #Cowin moved 6 points ahead of their rivals, bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘a six-pointer game’

At the beginning of the season, the mismatched group of former Uni Hallers began a quest for mid-table mediocrity that has culminated in an odds-defying, jaw-dropping title challenge and eventual second place finish.

A strong start to the season was undermined by a mid-season wobble induced by injuries and fatigue in what is a cramped and demanding fixture list. Their lowest point arrived in the form of a 6-5 defeat to Mackintosh, despite being 5-2 up at half-time.

It’s a miracle they won a single game – they don’t even have the concentration span to pose for a photo

However, a 6-match winning streak saw #Cowin make an unexpected late title charge. Heading into the penultimate weekend of fixtures level on points with second placed Blackadders and with a goal-difference deficit of just one, #Cowin needed victory against a Mackintosh side that had shocked them earlier in the season.

An injury to top-scorer Big John in the warm-up was a worrying prospect. Luckily, Sam Makin was on top form, scoring a clinical hat-trick which sealed a comfortable 5-1 victory.

The game was a thrilling encounter; in the words of our Northern midfielder Andy Schofield: “s’alright”

Captain Alex Clayton was effusive in his praise of his side:

“When we started, there were players who I’m pretty sure had never kicked a football, and to see them grow has been a real highlight.”

“As Captain, seeing the team I created become so important to so many people, to see them pulling on the neon yellow and give their all every week is incredible.

“To give it some perspective, 15 friends, from an extremely limited selection pool have taken on the teams of DRA, Agnes Blackadder and the medics, and won.”

Whilst it is difficult to single out individual performances, special mention must go to our namesake, Tommy Cowin. After a shaky start to the season in which he lacked aerial dominance, Cowin has undergone a De Gea-esque revolution to become one of the league’s most respected goalkeepers (we assume – we haven’t actually asked anyone). His performance against Bute FC in what turned out to be a pivotal 2-1 victory was particularly noteworthy, as he tipped several shots around the post in a legendary performance.

Mention must also go to vice-captain and centre-back Johnty Marshall for his comedic distraction in the face of adversity. A cross code switch is rarely easy for a rugby player, and Johnty is as well known for his defensive hardiness as he is for his Boris Johnson style approach to tackling.

Final thanks go to our fanbase. Week after week the fans are there, come wind or rain, to cheer on the boys in their efforts. So cheers, Alice!

Next year will see a fresh-looking squad, with several members of the team heading on loan moves abroad; however, wily captain Alex Clayton has already begun an extensive recruitment process, with St Andrews United star Dave (surname unknown) making his début against Mackintosh this weekend. Unfortunately, Dave may be sidelined for the foreseeable future thanks to a broken wrist which apparently failed to show up on the medical.

What sort of manager would sign an injured player as cover for its absentees, eh?

You can follow #Cowin on twitter (@CowinFC) for live match updates and poor quality banter.