Best nicknames in football

New Fulham manager, Felix Magath, has acquired several nicknames over the years on account of his draconian reputation. As well as being described as “the last dictator in Europe”, he has been nicknamed “Saddam” (after Hussein, of course) and “Qälix”, an amalgamation of his name and the German word for torture.

This got me thinking: what are the best (or worst) nicknames in football? After some memory-racking and internet-searching, I’ve come up with a list of my personal favourites:

Stuart Pearce: Psycho

Stuart Pearce epitomised the stereotypical English centre-back: passionate, forceful, and shorts pulled far too high up. But why was he called the psycho? Aside from his manic celebration at Euro 96, his ferocious tackles were a huge contributing factor. Watch the video below. You’ll see what I mean…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgzd7oHyeBY

Dion Dublin: The shower clearer

“Big? It isn’t big. It’s magnificent! I’ve seen some whoppers in my time, but Dion’s is something else,”

The words of no less than Sir Alex Ferguson, according to then-Coventry chairman Bryan Richardson in 1994. I think the less said about this nickname, the better…

David James: Calamity James

England’s #1 for the 2010 World Cup, David James failed to endear himself to the media due to a tendency for high profile errors, earning him the nickname Calamity James. Harsh? Watch the video below, and judge for yourself…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuZm-53v96k

Ray Parlour: The Romford Pele

Sarcasm is the highest form of wit – and that’s a fact. Poor old Ray Parlour. He was very hard working. The Park-Ji Sung of his day. An absolute engine, but entirely unglamorous in everything that he did.

Gary Megson: The Ginger Mourinho

Along the same vein as the previous entry. Meggo’s illustrious managerial career saw him manage such footballing giants as Stockport County, Norwich City, and Sheffield Wednesday. Not quite of the same stratosphere as Chelsea, Inter, and Real. But one day, Gary. One day.

Givanildo Vieira De Souza: Hulk

This epithet has become so familiar that most can’t remember Hulk’s real – and why would he be reminding anyone. If people started calling me Hulk, I’d never fill out any form with my real name again. I bet even his energy providers are addressing him as “Mr Hulk” on the phone. Anyway, although a little more nimble than his namesake, he certainly earns the nickname as evidenced in the video below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENTaPEktQbU

Carlton Cole: Can’t Control

“Carlton Cole is a circle whose center is everywhere and circumference nowhere.” – Voltaire

Or something like that. There are almost as many parodic videos featuring Carlton Cole as there are Miley Cyrus these days. Anyway, please enjoy this carefully selected video of one of his more memorable misses.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVhoP6rt7Zo

Cesar Azpilicueta: Dave

The simple ones are the best. Upon his arrival in 2012, his Chelsea team-mates struggled to pronounce his name, so they started calling him Dave.  Short, sweet, and memorable. Ashley Cole probably thought that was hilarious at the time. Maybe not so funny now…

 Got a nickname to add to the list? Or have you ever been christened with a memorable sporting nickname of your own? Let us know, comment below!