We need more life in our nightlife

Welcome to my rant reader. As I’m sure the more observant of you will have picked up from the title, the coming passage will be a narration on all that is bad about the nightlife in our quaint little town. A topic that I’m surprised has not been picked up on before.

But let me begin with a simple question, when was the last time you had a memorable night in St Andrews?

If you answered that with any of the following; yesterday, last week or last month, then congratulations, I’m pleased for you. No, really I am. If you, on the other hand, gave your computer screen a baffled look, or had to take a few seconds to ponder then maybe you’re the sort who this article is more aimed towards.

Now, just to clear the air, I am not saying it is impossible to have a good night out in this little town of ours. Quite the contrary, I’ve had some great nights here, probably some of the best in my life. It’s more their regularity which I’m bringing into question here.

The balls, quite literally, are the balls. There is something so undoubtedly posh and St Andrean about getting inappropriately smashed in a tux. It is more the “regular’”or everyday nights out that I am bringing into repute here.

How many times have you entered the Union at 11pm, just to realize that it’s completely empty? How many times have you done the same to the Vic and Lizard? Now that the Lizard is costing four quid on entry, and has banned all Black and Gold cards, this is a rather expensive mistake to make.

St Andrews is also definitely the King of the “incomplete” or “disappointing” night. You know the one I mean. The one where the pres are phenomenal, but when you hit the town, nothing quite happens. Having every bar close at 2am is far too early. Walking home with lukewarm chips when my friends in Newcastle and London are only just starting the night is a pretty sobering affair (literally and metaphorically).

The apparent lack of a good or wild place to go after the pre is just as blatant. Imagine the scene, you’re drunk, in town, after a great pre. Where do you go? The Lizard? Not a chance, unless you want to be covered in other peoples’ sweat. The Vic? Potentially, but it has to be the right night, and even then the DJs always have too much love for old house music. The Union? I think this is the one that wins most often, but only as being the best of a bad bunch; does anyone count the Union as a proper night out?

Now, I hear you say, this is just St Andrews. There’s nothing you can do about it, we just have a ‘different’ nightlife here. To that I have a plan (mostly thought up when drunk). So, here’s what I’m calling for, a whole scale move of St Andrews to a Malia style club intrusion. With a full blown strip, countless clubs, even more countless reps and alcohol by the gallon every night, this town will finally get the kick into the 21st Century it so needs.

Just imagine a Friday night scene, the town full of sun, sex and booze! Maybe without the sun, but you get the general idea.

Well I never promised to be helpful.

Image courtesy of: http://insidebswardrobe.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/wallpaper-s-club-7.html