It’s okay to be a tease

We kiss and you want more!


A few years back, I was dancing aggressively in a club in Spain with a few of my best friends.  One of my friends, Cleo, started dancing with a reasonably attractive guy. As per the game plan, the rest of us quickly gave her some space. I later found out that after only a few minutes of dancing, the guy tried several different ways to ask Cleo to go home with him, or to the bathroom with him, or pretty much to go anywhere with him. To each attempt, Cleo kindly rejected until finally the man accused her of being “a tease” and stomped off.

We all found this rather annoying at the time because our point in going to a dance club was to…well…dance.  Maybe there was a minor intention to get off with someone if they particularly caught our attention. Has sex really become the end-game for everything? When did dancing with a guy make you a tease if you weren’t planning on sleeping with him? When did it become not worth going home with someone if they’re not willing to go all the way? When did we stop appreciating the dancing, the kissing, the touching, the feeling, the everything that actually comes before sex?

A few years ago, I rather naively took a guy home and informed him I wasn’t going to be sleeping with him that night.  He irritably asked “am I not getting anything then?” Today, I would probably say something along the lines of “not anymore.”

The American Psychological Association cites a study of hookup culture done on 832 University students. Only 26% of women and 50% of men claimed to feel “positive” post-hookup. I have absolutely no problem with casual encounters, in fact, I think they can offer an experimental edge and excitement that a steady relationship can sometimes lack. But I have to wonder why satisfaction rates are so low (and this study is not an anomaly). My conclusion is that people aren’t asking for what they want. They are going further than they are truly comfortable with, or they are too shy to ask for what would really get the fireworks going.

Sometimes I just want an old-school make out session.  You know, the kind of physical contact you had when you were fourteen and lip-to-lip contact was the epitome of your after-school fantasy.

Sometimes I think it would be really great if we just rolled around topless for a while. I buy exquisite bras that unfortunately seem to go underappreciated by the majority of my take-homes. Perhaps if you focused less on removing my clothing you could actually appreciate how great I look in lingerie.

Sometimes I want to go under the belt. I happen to wear some pretty fantastic panties as well.

And sometimes, I want to have sex.

Maybe we should all take a step back and start enjoying the build-up. Maybe we should take what we get and not ask for more.

Maybe, tonight, we should just make out.

Image courtesy of wearmoretees.com