Christmas with my one true love: The life of a football manager

This Christmas, just like every other Christmas, I received my usual stash of presents. A knitted jumper from my Nan, a book from Santa but, most importantly, Football Manager (FM) 14 from my dad.

I have long been a loyal fan of FM and have been playing the games since 2005. This year is no different. Exams out the way, Christmas chocolate by my side, FM14 loaded on Steam, I was (and still am) living the dream.

The first question that presents itself when starting a new game is what team should I be? There are then the obvious factors that need to be considered: Current squad, media prediction and, most importantly of all, the transfer budget. This ruled out Aston Villa, as much as I want to play with Benteke, Helenius and Kozak, I’m not starting out a new game with a grand total of £0. A few other teams were then considered: Southampton, Swansea, Fulham.

In the end, however, my choice was based on the media prediction of my team. Coming in at 17th, the mighty Stoke City. At first you might guffaw at the thought of managing Stoke, but let me talk you through my thought process. 17th seemed pretty doable, especially as Stoke also have a budget of £4 million, just enough for me to work some transfer window magic.

Their squad is actually pretty decent as well; Shawcross is still predictably grossly overrated, to the extent that he was named in the World Cup Dream Team. England won the 2014 world cup; they won 3- 0 in the final, against Morocco. How Morocco made the final I’ll never know, Nabil El Zhar played every game (How England won the World Cup I’ll never know – Ed.) There’s a blast from the past Liverpool fans.

Shawcross isn’t the only good player in the squad though. Crouch has some decent stats, as do Arnautovic and N’Zonzi. The real hidden gem in the squad is Jack Butland; I can confirm that he slowly develops into a world-class goalkeeper. I am sort of worried that he might just be another ridiculously overrated keeper who will actually turn out to be pretty crap in real life. Dean Bouzanis and Sergio Asenjo I’m looking at you.

The only downside to Stoke was the ridiculous club philosophy: ‘Give youth a chance’. Since when were Stoke famous for their great youth set up? I’m pretty sure the last player to make it through the ranks at the Britannia was Ryan Shotton. A man they literally brought into the side because he could throw the ball a long way. Where have I heard that before?

So, with the team decided, let the games begin. Having looked at the squad I thought I could do with another centre forward, a winger and a centre midfielder. In an ideal world, I would’ve signed Carlos Vela of FM09, Henri Saivet of FM08 and Ignacio Camacho of all FMs. First port of call, free transfers. As all FM fans know, free transfers are key to building a team on a shoestring budget. Hatem Trabelsi was always a solid move in past FMs. I eventually moved for Adriano, risky yes, he’s old and relatively injury prone, but the boy knows where the goal is. Centre forward, acquired.

Next I hit up the loan market for a winger. Jermaine Pennant had the right wing locked down (15 crossing and dribbling) so I needed a left winger. Simone Pepe on loan was a pretty nifty move if I don’t say so myself. With 2 of my 3 targets done all I needed was centre midfielder. Last year, I started a game with Swansea and played possession football with consummate ease. The reason? Leon Britton. I never realised just how important teamwork is and Britton opened my eyes. I tried to sign Britton but he was a little old and didn’t want to leave Swansea, so I moved for Joe Ledley. 19 teamwork is nothing to be sniffed at although creativity 9 isn’t ideal.

I began the season pretty terribly – it turns out playing possession football is harder than you’d think. Come Christmas I was lingering just above relegation, however the league was extremely congested, I was only 6 points off Fulham in 9th. This of course would not be a game of FM if one of the so-called big teams didn’t do terribly. Very surprisingly Manchester City did awfully, they ended up finishing 11th. It must be because they can’t sign Neymar anymore, I still have nightmares about Neymar’s 15 year spell at the Etihad on FM13.

Less surprisingly Liverpool did pretty badly as well, they always seems to be the fall team on FM. To be fair to Liverpool, Luis Suarez’s stats are so grossly underrated I can’t think of a time that FM have got it this wrong. Apart from Darijo Srna – why he was so good on FM10 I’ll never know, I’d go as far to say he is the most overrated player ever. It really is a toss up between him or Jason Scotland. On FM10, Scotland had finishing 20, then the patch came out, SI clearly realised their mistake, and slashed it to 9.

As the season progressed my team really embraced my possession philosophy, work it out wide and then try and hit Crouchy in the middle. The big man finished with 18 league goals and Pennant finished with 10 assists. I moved up the league swiftly with my man Joe Ledley at the heart of everything. United won the title (might be the only title Moyes ever wins) and this was in no small part down to Yarmolenko. This man is my bogey player, on FM13 he killed me; this year is no different. I lost 4-0 away at Old Trafford, he scored all 4.

The final day of the season proved to be a nail-biter. I started the day in 8th, but could’ve finished anywhere between 5th-10th. A header from Robert Huth was enough to beat Spurs 1-0 and I eventually finished 6th. Considering this team was predicted to finish 17th, 6th was definitely a solid achievement. How do I feel about this achievement? How am I looking to build for next year? Are the rumours true that N’Zonzi wants to move away?

*Clicks send assistant*