Toby Harris: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Virtual communication adopts entirely different grammatical and tonal norms to the usual day-to-day speech. The full stop is the first victim. We all know that the “.” denotes the end of a sentence and allows the reader to take a mental pause. However, in text speech, it is a symptom of being standoffish or dissatisfied. The “.” will be used to intimate discontent without explicit explanation, hoping that the object of the conversation notices and asks, “Are you angry with me?” – offering the opportunity to vent their spleen. It would be the equivalent to a sudden sigh or inhalation (when in person) to express frustration or unhappiness.

The ‘X’ – a virtual kiss, one will suffice, if it’s necessary at all. Multiples are never necessary. It is similar to “!!!!!!” – the more you use, the cheaper its meaning and the less effective it becomes. What does “XX” signify that “X” does not? Any more than two is too much, unless it’s from my mum.

The enthusiastic question is punctuated by two different grammatical notations of, “?!”. The combination holds a niche function with a firmer interest than the lonesome, “?”. The “?!” ameliorates interest with a slight hint of surprise whilst the “??” emphasises sole interest and impatience to hear the forthcoming answer.

Virtual emotions are ridiculous. There is never a reason, time or suitable forum to use symbols such as: : D or : ) or : ( or ; ) or : P. The first one pays tribute to particular happiness or satisfaction whilst the second denotes a smile rather than a full on laugh. Self evidently, the middle one virtualises the wink, the penultimate “emotion” is one of sadness and the last one is the crème-de-la-crème of aggravating, ludicrous and infuriating social etiquette.

There is nothing worse than the “: P”. This a tool used by many to enable the subject of a conversation to say almost anything and feel as if they can get away with it unscathed. An example might be, “Hey, I saw you last night and you looked really great : P.” No. Don’t do it. The chances are that you wouldn’t say such a thing to the person’s face. Such a person doesn’t even have enough conviction to say what they want to say without the get-out clause if all fails. The “: P” offers an outlet from the conversation it goes pear-shaped. At least the other symbols emulate semi-human body language but nobody (at least nobody sane) extends their tongue to one side through the crevice of their closed lips, poking it out. How in any way would that be suggestive, cheeky or an expression of interest?

Tone and body language are vital for personal communication. As virtual means of communication have increased, a personal voice and display of emotion has been given to our typing. We used to be able to hide behind text – those days are over now.

Image courtesy of katdish.blogpost.com