Battle of the Balls

Unless your Thanksgivukkah-ganza has completely wiped you out, you can’t have failed to notice St Andrews is gearing up for one last major, formal dress blow-out of 2013…or should that be a dirty double? In a controversial turn of events (and an almighty admin cock-up), the 600^th Finale Ball and the Mermaids Christmas Ball are going up back to back this Saturday and Sunday. Battle lines are being drawn in the (East) Sands, with many students forced to adopt tribal-like allegiance to one ball or the other, and only one between David Patterson and Pat Mathewson can stand victorious over the bloodied maw of his opponent on Monday morning.

But which ball is best for you? Do you opt for 600^th and its one-time-only exclusivity, while pretending you have any semblance of an idea what the Fellowship of St Andrews actually does? Or do you go for the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory themed offering from our student theatre fund, in the largest gathering of small folk with orange complexions outside of Newcastle?

Obviously, the only way to decide is through an exhaustive side-by-side comparison of the only criterion that truly matters in these debates: the musical output of each ball.

Mermaids Christmas Ball

Thankfully, there seems to be no sign of that bongo covers band from years previous on the bill this year, so we might be spared the obligatory “Fix You/Paradise” mashup finale for a change. Starting off the night is the token acapella performance from The Alleycats, who you will wilfully ignore as you charge past to the bar for that fabled free glass of cava. The Blueswater Collective promise a seductive and raspy spectacle; their bewitching, smoky bar sound perfect for early lindyhopping and sultry tangos. Radio 1’s Danny Howard will hopefully be bringing his Dance Anthems to Kinkell, the combination of which, with Jannetta’s free unlimited ice-cream, will guarantee a few queasy stomachs.

600^th Finale Ball

Meanwhile, soundtracking your Saturday night down on the Lower College Lawn – wahey! running back to use the Quad’s toilets in the brittle November air! – will be Ma Bells’ A.C.B. and student DJ April Vellacott, aiming to satisfy with plenty of fat drops and meaty electronic synthlines. Ms Vellacott and Mr Alpabet-ty Spaghetti serve as precursors however, to the main attraction of the night with the Fellowship of St Andrews, self appointed vanguards of St Andrean history, honour 600 years of homegrown creativity and musical talent in the East Neuk by flying in Dutch DJ and Avicii protégé, Del Pello. Championed by Benny Benassi, Dirty South and Laidback Luke, his eclectic array of mash-ups are sure to blow up the whole Lower College Lawn.

All in all though, the line-ups boasted by Mermaids and 600^th convey a mixture of the reassuringly familiar and some exciting new soundscapes by St Andrews ball standards. It was just a shame that neither committee could book this guy as MC:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KY8WU0oa3I

Images courtesy of thegreengirls.com