Confessions of a St Andrews Virgin

So, I’m a virgin.

For the majority of us students, sex seems to be the topic of conversation in at least one of our daily conversations. Whether it’s friends talking about exactly what went down with that ridiculously hot guy last night, or just wallowing about the lack of sex in their lives while eating an entire tub of ice cream, I feel my virginity is constantly slapping me in the face. (figuratively of course).

It’s not like I’m choosing to be a virgin – quite the opposite in fact; I’m literally gagging for it. But—call me old-fashioned—I’m just waiting for someone relatively special to have sex with for the first time. I’m not looking for the evasive “Mr Right,” just a decent enough guy who I know well, and would feel comfortable having sex with.

In discussions about virginity with my friends, they often discuss regret over having lost their V-card to a total stranger in a drunken fit of very awkward passion. They encourage me to wait and not just give it up like it’s unimportant. But despite the fact that I stand by my decision, house parties and the games that come with them can make things very uncomfortable for a virgin. When someone suggests playing “Never Have I Ever” or “Awkward Questions” I immediately feel nervous and start worrying that someone is going to bring up first-time experiences, declare “never have I ever had sex with a guy” (in order to catch out the straight guys in the room), or mention some sex-related experience I have no idea about.

People often joke about virgins, even to the point of using it as an insult. As a regular at the Lizard, I can often be seen dancing with and kissing a random guy, but what you don’t hear is me repeatedly turning down the ever-so-kind and endearing suggestion that we leave for some “fresh air”. There seem to be only two ways to make a guy well aware that you’re not going to have sex with him: either say you’re on your period, or say you’re a virgin. Every single time I’ve said I’m a virgin there has been a look of annoyance, and sometimes even disgust. Only twice in my time at St Andrews has he NOT walked away from me without another word. Now I know that it’s very likely these men had only one intention entering the Lizard anyway, but is it really that hard to treat a girl with respect when she’s not just going to sleep with a stranger?

I feel I need to be secretive about being a virgin, both with the people I know and in the context of this article. There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about being a virgin, but there is definitely a certain attitude towards virginity that makes it very hard not to be.


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