Taryn O’Connor: Why your essays (and my essays) arenʼt getting done

If anyone has been in the library for the past, I donʼt even know, – two weeks, youʼve probably walked by the bookcases on the bottom floor and seen me on a couch, surrounded by- and promptly ignoring- the things I need to do, in favour of enabling the procrastination of myself and all those dear to me, or those willing to hear me talk at length about nothing (for the record, a venn diagram of those two constituencies would be a circle).

I feel your judgement, I know youʼre upset Iʼm in the library to begin with, and I feel your radiating message of ʻDonʼt be that kidʼ. Donʼt you worry, Iʼm so far past being that kid, that that kid is in the short-loan section trying to check out the book I wrote on being that kid. Oh wait, he canʼt because he has more than £10 in library fees. (See? You thought this whole paragraph was just a terrible joke, but then it became real.)

The worst part is that by the time Iʼve actually managed to sit down, odds are good that Iʼve already spent 45 minutes chatting to everyone I know and anyone I vaguely recognize. You all know who you are, and that itʼs going to happen again before today is over.

Now that, in theory, Iʼve sat down, opened my laptop, taken out a book and decided which of my three essays due Friday (itʼs a real thing- I donʼt want to talk about it) to start, I can map out for you a timeline of my progress in an evening at the library:

8-11pm: Intention: Iʼll read all of the sources I looked up so I can flesh out my outline and have all my secondary materials organized.

What I end up doing: Listening to this:

Whether you actually enjoy the music of Paul Anka, or whether you just recognize him as the man that Lorelai named her dog after in Gilmore Girls, itʼs worth a listen or 15 if you just play things on repeat like I do.

11pm-12am: Intention: Now that Iʼve done all my reading, I can construct an outline with a clear thesis, topic sentences, points of analysis corresponding to strong quotes and TGAP approved paraphrases from sources that I havenʼt taken directly from the suggested secondary reading in the module handbook.

What I end up doing: Engaging a website to compile clips of Facebook statuses from the uncomfortable phase of my life- often referred to as ‘Anytime Before Now’. I now present for your approval, my favorite:

 Topical.

12am: Intention: Go home, maybe say hello to someone I live with, or crazier yet, my parents back home in California (Hi, Mum & Dad), and get some sleep.

What I end up doing: Staying in the library until I hear the “the library will be closing in 30 minutes” recording, then going home, writing this column, doing that weird thing where you make a schedule over and over again to try to convince yourself that you can, in fact, get through this week, and then falling asleep as I try to watch the end of Love Actually.

So because itʼs Christmas (donʼt try to tell me itʼs not), and at Christmas you tell the truth (you guys, Iʼm committing hard to this reference), I need you all to leave the library, go home, sleep, and try working from your respective homes tomorrow. If youʼre anything like me, your weird habit of accidentally napping when working from bed will still be more conducive to your essays getting done than sitting on the bottom floor of the library.