Get the look: Valentine’s Day

Ladies, you can’t blame your love life on the January blues any more. It’s February, the month of sweet luvin’, and with St Val’s day coming up fast, you’ll need the perfect outfit to impress your sweetheart.

If you’re hitting the Union as a group of singletons, beware, competition will be fierce as incoming JSA’s are on the prowl. If you’re staring longingly across the dinner table, remember to blink. Your love will not disappear in 300-400 milliseconds. Unless he’s eyeballing the waitress.

Whether he’s The One or the one for the night, follow this sound advice and he’ll be struck by Cupid’s golden arrow; if he’s not struck by lightning first. Hey, there’s a 1 in 10,000 chance in his lifetime and fate is cruel.

Get the look: Cupid’s finest gents claim that ‘natural beauty’ is much hotter than being all ‘dolled up’. I read it on the internet so it must be true. Therefore, it’s time to let your inner slob reign supreme. 

Ladies, red is officially the anti-pink. Well, according to a book written by a professional dominatrix. Her love life sounds healthy. Don’t fall into the classic Valentines’ trap: wearing pink is corny, but red is absolutely right. This gorgeous Jaeger cashmere jumper is the perfect red to lure him to bed (or stay in his head if that’s too much).

Having just a pop of red in your outfit, however, will make you seem uncommitted. Let’s face it, no one wants to date a commitment-phobe. It’s all or nothing, much like your budding romance, so deck it out in red to toe and watch your romance grow/glow (Hallmark cards called, but I’m not giving them their joke back).

Ann Summers can offer you nothing sexier than this onesie. I would know, I’m on their mailing list. 

It may be Valentine’s, but there’s simply no need to bare all that skin. Cleavage is crass and thigh-skimming is trying. Shortie may have those apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur, and the whole club may have been looking at her… but that’s only because she’s a ho’.

Make sure you cover all curves so he focuses on your titillating conversation. Try this North Face arctic parka – windproof for when you’re swept off your feet later. Cheeky. 

For the fellas: here’s the only advice you will ever need. The biggest secret kept by all woman-kind. Men in wife beaters = so, so attractive. We didn’t tell you because the sight of a man wearing one overwhelms us with lust. We spread it as a vicious rumour all in the name of self-restraint. Since it’s Valentine’s, we’re willing to be seduced.

Gents, your arms best be braving the February chills, cos it’s about to get hot in here. Snapbacks optional.

Work the Look: try one of the ‘House’ restaurants for your romantic evening. Everyone knows the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach which, shockingly, is not biologically accurate. Which house you choose is hugely significant.

Going to the Grill House, if you’ve been together a while, points that you reeeally need to spice up your sex life. Or, for the newbies, things are planning on getting hot. (Tex)Mexicans are known for their passion, after all. The Glass House’s Italian cuisine will nurture your amore. Get him a steak and prepare to stake his heart. The Doll’s House, however, is sweet and cute. If he suggests it, honestly, he’s a sissy. Wherever you go, ladies, just remember this: if the waiter asks for your coat, you keep it on.

You are class, not a piece of ass.