Made in Chelsea Series 4, Episode 1

It begins, as only MIC can, in St Tropez. Of course. If there were anything more escapist from my St Andrews-in-October existence (snow impending, winter boots/coat resting in my distant […]


It begins, as only MIC can, in St Tropez. Of course. If there were anything more escapist from my St Andrews-in-October existence (snow impending, winter boots/coat resting in my distant hometown), it would be spending my Monday evening imagining that I too could have sunshine, a boat and a seemingly limitless supply of cocktails. The chills instilled by the M83 intro music are enough to distract those with even the most imminent deadline. Kudos for studious behaviour if you spot the gratuitous latin*.

Jamie and Francis (henceforth referred to as ‘The Dream Team’), conveniently introduce new characters/old school friends as an excuse to spend their time on a marina boat. In addition to wearing captain hats on deck and consuming champagne, they discuss their romantic lives past and present, and set the scene for love triangles to rival that of the previous Jamie-Louise-Spencer plot. It appears that new character Andy got the boat, but he didn’t get the girls.

With great impetus, however, we are thrust back into the excruciating “normal is too much to ask for” saga of (a now bearded) Spencer and Louise. Having “been on a break” for most of the summer, they reconcile immediately—promoted by declarations of love from the man himself. However, not all is as peachy as Rosie’s kaftan. After a rather creepy introduction between Louise and Andy (“I’ve seen you from afar”), the game is on. Flirtation ensues.

Flash forward to Victoria’s poolside swimwear launch. I’m suspicious, but it’s not actually an attempt to sell Made In Chelsea clothing (the outfits more likely to have been handmade by Mark Francis’s housekeeper). One-pieces dominate. As Mark Francis helpfully advises: “An overly tanned stomach is never chic”.

This is, however, the perfect location for the first altercation (of many, I anticipate/hope) between assertive Andy and sleazy Spencer, during which the latter manages to jump between behaving like a loving and attentive boyfriend and a possessive, aggressive and domineering thug. Back in London town, the house warming of ‘The Dream Team + Proudlock’ repeats the argument on British soil under the banner of a Proudlock original artwork.

Elsewhere, Richard has picked up a new blonde, barely indistinguishable from last-season’s Kimberley but, hopefully, more mentally stable. Binky is apparently threatening to unleash herself on the roads of Britain, but must learn in Ollie’s ‘unique’ Union Jack sports car first.

However, by far the most traumatic event of the episode was the announcement, and subsequent follow-through, of Ollie Locke’s Haircut. I concede that some scenes of MIC may have been created for entertainment purposes, but losing 10 inches of Ollie’s hair felt like losing a character in itself. Of course, Cheska cannot appreciate the event for its purely emotional worth, instead seeing it as symbolic of Ollie’s unhappiness with his identity: cue awkward questions.

Next week promises yet more drama—one almost begs for the light relief of a Gabriella music video…

*Mark Francis referring to Harrods at the swimwear launch.

image © metro images