X Factor Live, week 1: losing faith in the public?

The X Factor kicked off the live shows with dodgy performances and rumours of a fix already flying. As the judges entered, it became clear that Tulisa has ditched the peroxide blonde and is channelling Elizabeth Taylor, complete with epic brows and a flashy diamond necklace. Unfortunately, the look is a bit more Lindsay Lohan than Liz, but it’s a step in the right direction.

The night kicked off with a few housekeeping issues. Much to everyone’s surprise, the winner of the wild card round was Gary Barlow’s act, Christopher Maloney, whose only memorable feature was a sob-story about his nan being ill. Perhaps the voters were blinded by Cheryl’s white teeth last weekend and accidentally pressed the wrong numbers.

My faith in the viewers of the show dipped even further as the first act was introduced. Boyband GMD3 admitted that their name sucked and asked their fans to suggest a new one. Apparently the best their 100 thousand followers (yes, I googled that) could do was District 3. I predicted a Hunger Games style finale, but I didn’t expect it to come so soon.

First week shows off the shiny new makeovers the acts have been given. James Arthur tanned up, adopted a Jedward style coif and borrowed some of rival act Kye’s mascara. His slow interpretation of Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Stronger’ suited the theme this week: a celebration of the Olympics. Someone at X Factor offices really earned a gold star with an imaginative idea like that. Despite the make-up, James reminds me of Plan B, and he is still my favourite act in the competition.

Despite the celebratory atmosphere the Olympics usually invites, most of the acts chose ballads. Lucy Spraggan wrote her own song, proving that she already has far more talent than Nicole, while Ella Henderson and Jade Ellis gave strong performances of the kind of slow tunes that could make Mo Farah weep while cradling his gold medals.

The major talking point of the show was Rylan. Clad in Ancient Egyptian garb and Cleopatra eyeliner, he sang (I use that term loosely) Spandau Ballet’s ‘Gold’. Even a heavy dance beat, a mass of dancers and a completely irrelevant backdrop couldn’t distract from his shoddy voice. Gary laid down some Barlow style truth, but Nicole called Rylan “infectious.” Chlamydia is infectious, and nobody wants to see that on a Saturday night.

The voters redeemed themselves by putting Rylan in the bottom two, along with Carolynne, whose country style performance of ‘Starships’ was instantly forgettable. Louis, a man whose greatest contribution to the music industry is Westlife, chose to put the vote to deadlock, sending home the far more talented Carolynne and prompting Gary to storm off in a hissy fit. Louis’ dramatic deliberation has provoked accusations of a fix already.

After 9 steady years of the rumour, you’d think that the audience would no longer be shocked, but I guess the public will never fail to surprise me.