Super Mario: a Force for Good

The name Mario Balotelli raises eyebrows and makes for good dinner-table anecdotes. The average Joe regards him as a spoiled kid who cannot even put a bib on, even though his salary dwarfs that of David Cameron and the head of the RBS put together. His infamous tantrums have made him the centre of attention, often becoming the target of slander and sneering from SkySports pundits. Now, if you are not a football fan, don’t worry – all is not lost. Here is Mario in a nutshell: Balotelli, 21, transferred from Inter Milan to Manchester City in 2010 for €22m. Not much older than a feeble fresher, he is earning millions… and causing havoc. In the last two years Balotelli’s car has been confiscated 25 times; he has amounted hundreds of (unpaid) parking tickets; he drove through the wall of a women’s prison “just to have a look around” and set his house on fire by lighting fireworks in the toilet – he now permanently resides at the Hilton Hotel.

This childish behaviour has made him a vulnerable target. However, behind the cheeky menacing grin, the outlandish ear studs and Audi R8 is something more benign and amiable. Mario Balotelli is very young yet his shoulders are carrying the hopes of legions of Mancunians. Placed in a position where he is constantly under pressure and criticism of sceptics, it is not surprising that Balotelli behaves the way he does. However, it’s not all bad; there are certain things which you, dear readers, do not know about the young talent. Here are my favourites:

• In December of this year, Balotelli dressed himself up as Santa Claus, gliding through Manchester handing out piles of cash to the homeless and unfortunate.

• Earlier in 2011, he confronted the bullies of a young school boy whom he had met only five minutes before – he was never, ever bullied again.

• In a restaurant in 2011 he had a mock sword-fight with his best friend on top of other diners’ tables.

• When his mother asked him to go to John Lewis to buy “essentials” he came back with a Scalextric set, a Vespa, a trampoline and two toasters.

Mario Balotelli is still a child. He has been villanised by the public due to his extravagant character and playful nature. However, Balotelli has delivered when called upon. In just 33 caps for Manchester City he has scored 16 goals. His valiant efforts have no doubt helped place the club at the summit of the Premier League table and he should be credited for giving the fans what they want – good football. Every international tournament, half naked drunken men stroll down the High Streets of Britain chanting inaudible stanzas from God Save the Queen, Jerusalem and other hits, but their expectations plummet straight to the ground because the English national squad never delivers. Mario Balotelli, on the other hand, has sent Manchester City fans to cloud nine.

We mustn’t forget his skill and talent. He may be a raw talent, but my God, that boy can control a ball better than a feminist can burn a bra. The manner in which he takes every shot; the ease with which he delivers every cross; it all almost makes up for the fact that he hit a youth player in the head with a dart during a training session. He is worth every single euro. Keep your eyes on him ladies and gents. He is a fresh talent that deserves our attention. It is non-stop excitement with Mario, on and off the pitch, and in fact, I believe that football needs more players like him; players that are not empty shells of human beings with robotically well-co-ordinated feet. Mario Balotelli is a true talent, with flare and passion for what he does. Give him time; he will grow and mature, and when that day comes, you will not doubt choose Manchester City every time you play FIFA.

Photos: © bbc.co.uk/sport