The Oscars 2012 Catch-Up: What You Missed

February was rolling in, and with film publicity at a fever pitch as awards season hurtled towards climax, the Oscars arrived on Sunday evening in a blinding deluge of frocks, tuxes and whitened teeth. With the warm-up events – including The Golden Globes and the BAFTAs – producing good yields for Michel Hazanavicius’ homage to the silent era, The Artist, all bets were on the French production cleaning up at the Academy Awards too.

The job of hosting the Oscars elicits comparable debate to that of the vacant England manager position, and September saw funnyman-of-yesteryear Eddie Murphy installed in the role, with Brett Ratner producing. However, when in November some less-than-PC comments from Ratner saw him axed from his duties, Murphy decided to follow him out the door (they must have really bonded while filming their forgettable comedy, Tower Heist). Many breathed a collective sigh of relief at the news, but with just four months ‘til showtime it was apparent that a compere should be sought, and sought quickly. Swiftly appointed was 63-year-old Oscars veteran Billy Crystal – the definition of a fall-back choice.

The list of nominees, as always, drew complaints from various parties. The most outrageous snubs were reserved for the likes of Michael Fassbender (ubiquitous in 2011), Ryan Gosling (even I find him a little dreamy), Tilda Swinton (We Need To Talk About Kevin) and Albert Brooks (Drive). Also, my own amateur film, erotic thriller Midnight In Leuchars, was apparently too edgy for Academy tastes…

With every E! viewer glued to their televisions as the names and faces sauntered onto the traditional red mat outside, the gathered media shouted the usual myriad of crucial questions, namely “Who are you wearing?!”. Earlier in the week, a brief tussle in the press between The Academy and caricature-extraordinaire Sacha Baron Cohen regarding his intention to arrive as his latest creation – an Arab dictator – had been hastily resolved, and he arrived as promised. It was a crude, witless publicity stunt that caused ‘controversy’ when he spilled the contents of an urn (his character claimed it contained the ashes of Kim Jong-Il) over eerily-generic American TV host, Ryan Seacrest. This is the point at which this writer’s expertise on red carpet matters grows weak and vague – but everyone looked very nice, I assure you.

Crystal’s opening involved the usual pre-prepared video package of the City Slickers comic inserting himself into the big films of the year – a cringe-worthy sequence which saw him kissed by George Clooney, and the viewer subjected to an inexplicable, fairly lengthy Justin Bieber cameo. Not content with this, however, Crystal appeared onstage in person and broke into song, making even more allusions to the blockbusters of 2011 in his far-from-tuneful tones, and briefly serenading a grinning Martin Scorsese.

When the award-giving began in earnest, there were a few micro-incidents for journos and Tweeters to get their teeth into and hashtag, respectively – Bradley Cooper sporting a formidable moustache, Jennifer Lopez partially exposing a nipple, and Angelina Jolie displaying her right leg in its entirety as she stood around in what could only be described as a ‘power stance’. A full list of the awards and their nominees lies below (winners in bold), but it is safe to say that, as predicted, this was another bumper haul for The Artist. Hazanavicius’ film picked up five golden statues on the night, including Best Actor (Jean Dujardin), Costume Design, Best Director, Best Original Score and the big one, Best Picture. This trophy quintet was a feat also matched by Martin Scorsese’s Hugo. It took five of a possible 11, making it the most nominated film of the ceremony (from a man who has remarkably only won one Oscar).

Interested Brits will note that Meryl Streep picked up another Best Actress award (her second win in the category, and third Oscar overall) for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, a film that won the gong for make-up while it was at it (the man-hours involved in designing that prosthetic nose for Olivia Colman’s portrayal of Carol Thatcher doesn’t bear thinking about). The only other British success on a night dominated by Hazanavicius and Scorsese was in the Short Film (Live Action) category, with Northern Irish film The Shore awarded top prize. It is a prestigious honour, but perhaps only serves to demonstrate the perennial American love for coastal Irish settings and greenery.

So, the glitz and glamour was rife as always, but it’s safe to say that The Academy may wish to explore other avenues RE: hosting next year. In a time when social media doesn’t miss a beat, however, I must admit that I found the Twitter coverage (deliciously caustic) more entertaining than the actual events in Los Angeles. My dream Oscar ceremony next year involves a huge screen at side-of-stage, displaying a Twitter feed of carefully selected opinion-givers, passing judgement on all and singling out those parties who truly deserve special treatment (I’m looking at you, Sandler). The chances of this happening rank alongside Best Picture 2013 being awarded to anything within spitting distance of Michael Bay, but a man can dream.

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Demin Bichir in “A Better Life”
George Clooney in “The Descendants”
Jean Dujardin in “The Artist”
Gary Oldman in “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”
Brad Pitt in “Moneyball”

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Kenneth Branagh in “My Week with Marilyn
Jonah Hill in “Moneyball”
Nick Nolte in “Warrior”
Christopher Plummer in “Beginners”
Max von Sydow in “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Glenn Close in “Albert Nobbs”
Viola Davis in “The Help”
Rooney Mara in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”
Meryl Streep in “The Iron Lady”
Michelle Williams in “My Week with Marilyn”

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Benice Bejo in “The Artist”
Jessica Chastain in “The Help”
Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids”
Janet McTeer in “Albert Nobbs”
Octavia Spencer in “The Help”

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
“A Cat in Paris ” Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli”
“Chico & Rita” Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
“Kung Fu Panda 2” Jennifer Yuh Nelson
“Puss in Boots” Chris Miller
“Rango” Gore Verbinski

ART DIRECTION
“The Artist” Production Design: Laurence Bennett; Set Decoration: Robert Gould
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” Production Design: Stuart Craig; Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan
“Hugo” Production Design: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo
“Midnight in Paris” Production Design: Anne Seibel; Set Decoration: Hélène Dubreuil
“War Horse” Production Design: Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Lee Sandales

CINEMATOGRAPHY
“The Artist” Guillaume Schiffman
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Jeff Cronenweth
“Hugo” Robert Richardson
“The Tree of Life” Emmanuel Lubezki
“War Horse” Janusz Kaminski

COSTUME DESIGN
“Anonymous” Lisy Christl
“The Artist” Mark Bridges
“Hugo” Sandy Powell
“Jane Eyre” Michael O’Connor
“W.E.” Arianne Phillips

DIRECTING
“The Artist” Michel Hazanavicius
“The Descendants” Alexander Payne
“Hugo” Martin Scorsese
“Midnight in Paris” Woody Allen
“The Tree of Life” Terrence Malick

DOCUMENTARY (FEATURE)
“Hell and Back Again” Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
“If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front” Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
“Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory” Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky
“Pina” Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
“Undefeated” TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Richard Middlemas

DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT)
“The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement” Robin Fryday and Gail Dolgin
“God Is the Bigger Elvis” Rebecca Cammisa and Julie Anderson
“Incident in New Baghdad” James Spione
“Saving Face” Daniel Junge and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
“The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom” Lucy Walker and Kira Carstensen

FILM EDITING
“The Artist” Anne-Sophie Bion and Michel Hazanavicius
“The Descendants” Kevin Tent
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall
“Hugo” Thelma Schoonmaker
“Moneyball” Christopher Tellefsen

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
“Bullhead” Belgium
“Footnote” Israel
“In Darkness” Poland
“Monsieur Lazhar” Canada
“A Separation” Iran

MAKEUP
“Albert Nobbs” Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight and Lisa Tomblin
“The Iron Lady” Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE)
“The Adventures of Tintin” John Williams
“The Artist” Ludovic Bource
“Hugo” Howard Shore
“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” Alberto Iglesias
“War Horse” John Williams

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG)
“Man or Muppet” from “The Muppets” Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie
“Real in Rio” from “Rio” Music by Sergio Mendes and Carlinhos Brown Lyric by Siedah Garrett

BEST PICTURE
“The Artist” Thomas Langmann, Producer
“The Descendants” Jim Burke, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Producers
“Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” Scott Rudin, Producer
“The Help” Brunson Green, Chris Columbus and Michael Barnathan, Producers
“Hugo” Graham King and Martin Scorsese, Producers
“Midnight in Paris” Letty Aronson and Stephen Tenenbaum, Producers
“Moneyball” Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz and Brad Pitt, Producers
“The Tree of Life” Nominees to be determined
“War Horse” Steven Spielberg and Kathleen Kennedy, Producers

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)
“Dimanche/Sunday” Patrick Doyon
“The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore” William Joyce and Brandon Oldenburg
“La Luna” Enrico Casarosa
“A Morning Stroll” Grant Orchard and Sue Goffe
“Wild Life” Amanda Forbis and Wendy Tilby

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)
“Pentecost” Peter McDonald and Eimear O’Kane
“Raju” Max Zähle and Stefan Gieren
“The Shore” Terry George and Oorlagh George
“Time Freak” Andrew Bowler and Gigi Causey
“Tuba Atlantic” Hallvar Witzø

SOUND EDITING
“Drive” Lon Bender and Victor Ray Ennis
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Ren Klyce
“Hugo” Philip Stockton and Eugene Gearty
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Ethan Van der Ryn and Erik Aadahl
“War Horse” Richard Hymns and Gary Rydstrom

SOUND MIXING
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce and Bo Persson
“Hugo” Tom Fleischman and John Midgley
“Moneyball” Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, Dave Giammarco and Ed Novick
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey J. Haboush and Peter J. Devlin
“War Horse” Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson and Stuart Wilson

VISUAL EFFECTS
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler and John Richardson
“Hugo” Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman and Alex Henning
“Real Steel” Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor and Swen Gillberg
“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White and Daniel Barrett
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler and John Frazier

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)
“The Descendants” Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash
“Hugo” Screenplay by John Logan
“The Ides of March” Screenplay by George Clooney & Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon
“Moneyball” Screenplay by Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin. Story by Stan Chervin
“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” Screenplay by Bridget O’Connor & Peter Straughan

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)
“The Artist” Written by Michel Hazanavicius
“Bridesmaids” Written by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig
“Margin Call” Written by J.C. Chandor
“Midnight in Paris” Written by Woody Allen
“A Separation” Written by Asghar Farhadi