Clare Sheehan: it’s time to unwind

Everyone’s a little on edge this week. Coursework is piling up, Tesco is out of avocados again, and I just discovered I owe 18 pounds in short loan fines from books I was supposed to return two days ago (serious balls). Oh yeah, and there’s this whole Kate Kennedy debacle that’s got us all riled up in a raging fireball of tension. Far be it for me to try and alleviate any of this angst, but I don’t think I’m alone in thinking we’re all in need of a serious cool down.

I don’t want to discredit debate. On the contrary, I think a passionate discussion every once in a while is healthy and valuable. However, if watching copious reruns of Jerry Springer during my sick days home from school taught me one thing, it’s this: arguing is exhausting. While I’m not saying we should build a fire, hold hands, and sing kumbaya together (although I did this once at summer camp and got mad free marshmallows), I anticipate we’re all getting desperate for a little R&R once our faces get tired of scowling and our blood pressure drops a point or two.

So, if you’re stressed, angry, tired, or all of the above, please allow me to lend you my services. If there’s one thing I can speak passionately and knowledgeably about it’s the art of chillage. I’ve been cultivating this skill set since the first time I put a Lay-Z Boy armchair on my Christmas wish list, and I feel there’s never been a better time to unleash my wisdom on the world. Follow these five easy, breezy steps and you’ll be kickin’ it old testament in no time:

1. Lemsip – Never underestimate the power of these lemony flavored cold & flu sachets. Boil some water, grab an oversized mug, and submerge your mind into the numbing potency that is this calm-tastic wonder-drink. Slap some vicks vapour rub on your chest as a menthol-infused bonus, and you’ll be breathin’ easy. (Side note: if anyone ever wants to buy me a drink, a pint of lempsip is definitely the way to go)

2. Watch a Disney Channel Original Movie – Model Behavior, Get a Clue, Smart House, Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. Need I say more? If I do, we probably can’t be friends.

3. Rock an Eggs Benedict at Mitchell’s – You think this Kate Kennedy business was explosive? Nothing compared to the creamy, buttery phenomenon that is a round of these puppies. Go treat yourself before I eat them all (seriously, I have an addiction, someone help a sister out).

4. Find 5 pounds at Tesco – I once found a fiver in the self-check out change dispenser and used it to buy two bags of Cool Ranch Doritos. Okay, so technically this is stealing, but sometimes money really can buy happiness. So, roll with the punches, and pocket that shit.

5. Go for a run – haha, yeah right. You run, I’ll be at Mitchell’s. For those of you who actually find exercise a stress-relieving activity, power to you. As I tell the few runner friends I have, “Meet you at the gym. If I’m not there in five, just wait longer.”

Still not happy? Watch this video. Nothing says ‘let the chips fall where they may’ like this golden nugget. When in doubt, watch cat clips. No debate necessary.