Dress to impress? Depends on how much of the reading you’ve done…

It’s known that St Andrews students generally look put-together.  Living in a small town, we’re always prepared for the inevitable run-in with the very last person we want to see while making our sweaty way back from the gym. So, to prepare for the worst, we put on that extra bit of eyeliner before heading to Tesco, or that extra-flattering sports bra for our run.  But in a town of students concerned about making the right impression, is there ever a time to not dress to impress or (dare I say it?) dress to unimpress?  

In my experience, this is where the unique question of tutorial-wear comes into play.

As we finish our third week of term, most of us have begun to fall behind on… pretty much everything.  When heading to a tutorial I haven’t done the reading for, a sense of impending doom builds.  This is mainly because my tutors over the past two years have possessed a freakish sixth sense when it comes to knowing exactly which question I don’t want them to ask me.  Some of you might suggest that the best attire for such situations would be an invisibility cloak.  I agree.  However, having given up my search for such a garment, I’ve found an alternative way to camouflage myself in such situations.

So how does one prepare for being unprepared?  It’s simple: trick that tutor using these handy guidelines for how to dress to impress, un-impress, or make no impression at all – depending on how much reading you’ve done:

If you’ve fully prepared for your tutorial:

…congratulations, wear whatever your little heart desires.

If you’ve prepared, but are too hungover to contribute:
Go for the slob look. This not only gives you extra time to sleep off a little more of that hangover, but also means that a wise tutor will avoid calling on you to save the class from the long, pointless ramblings your appearance suggests you will make. But the beauty of this plan is that, if you have a more sadistic tutor, you can still deliver the punchy response necessary to surprise and impress, redirecting their attention to more helpless-looking prey.

If you haven’t prepared, and are too hungover to contribute:
Do the exact opposite. You know you won’t be able to finish those last 150 pages of Great Expectations no matter how early you wake up – especially with that pounding headache. However, you can use that time to shower, primp and preen yourself into the spitting image of the over-achieving student. You won’t have to say a word. Your tutor won’t call you out, knowing that if you had the time to look that good you sure as hell finished the reading.
Girls:  Blow-dry your hair, and do your makeup (lipstick is often necessary). Wear a dress and cardigan… and probably tights too. However, avoid heels; they’re too obvious and will arouse suspicion.  
Boys:  Go with a fitted jumper with a button-down shirt underneath. Make sure the collar is stiff and the jumper wrinkle-free. Oh, and remember to check for bed head before you leave.

For all the variables in between, pick and choose guidelines as you see fit, depending on how scared-shitless you are of your tutor.  Last but not least, don’t forget: you always have those three unexcused absences to fall back on.  

Good luck, and always remember to excuse yourself before you chunder – don’t want to ruin those new shoes now do we?