18 reasons why you’re a single Soton student this Valentine’s Day
Number one: You sit on level five of Hartley
Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that you either can’t wait to come around or hate with a burning passion. Even if that depends on whether you are in a relationship or single, it is the only time of the year where you obsess over your love life more than usual.
Whilst you may wish you were enjoying dinner in a fancy restaurant in Ocean Village or receiving a bouquet of flowers from Portswood Sainsbury’s, we’re in a pandemic and you’re single.
So if you’re a Southampton student who’s single during this time of the year, the following reasons are probably why:
1. You spend most days on Level 5 of Hartley
The only thing that makes your heart beat fast and your palms sweaty is your degree.
me revising for the degree i chose myself: pic.twitter.com/bM6LEVQck9
— Mahiʕ•ᴥ•ʔ (@mahidmahidmahid) January 24, 2021
2. You own a light-up keyboard
And no one will ever be able to light up your life better than it does.
3. You are holding a fish on your first picture on Tinder
Guys with puppies, well played but, you are on thin ice.
4. You invest in stocks more than you invest in your love life
Stocks would never break up with you just before the holidays, stocks are forever (kind of).
horoscope girls and stock market guys fighting about who is worse pic.twitter.com/TzNfjCAle9
— 🧚🏽💕✨ (@no_drama_llamax) February 9, 2021
5. You believe in horoscopes
And we both know you have been asking boys about their birth charts way too early on.
6. You study Engineering or Computer Science at Soton
You’re alone purely because of the male-to-female ratio. I promise.
7. You used to be able to pull only at Sobar
Now that Sobar is closed, you’re really struggling. Hopefully, it can reopen soon so you can chat someone up over a blue Quad Vod.
8. You are still suffering from your pandemic related break-up
You’ve been constantly replaying Olivia Rodrigo’s Drivers License but even that could not heal that hurt just in time for Valentine’s.
9. You are not friends with Tariq Manzil on Facebook
If you don’t have the approval of this man, do you really have anything to offer to your Valentine?
10. You always keep your camera off during Microsoft Teams lectures
How else are you supposed to make the hot classmate you’ve had a crush on since first year fall in love with you?
11.You have a top fans badge on Crushampton
Sometimes not all publicity is good publicity.
12. You choose Chic-O-Land over Charcoal Grill
The ultimate mistake – Charcoal Grill is clearly better
13. You only know how to cook pasta
Lockdown has made chefs out of all of us, you need to get on TikTok and try a viral recipe at least.
14. You don’t put enough effort into your outfit for your big Portswood Sainsbury’s trip
How else are people supposed to know you are the main character of your coming of age rom-com?
15. You had the Oceana committee card
And now, without the superiority complex of being in the VIP section every week, your confidence has really taken a dive.
16. You listen to BTS
And irrevocably, your standards are way too high for Southampton Uni students.
17. You have simply decided to socially distance from Valentine’s Day
All jokes aside, one can just *choose* to be alone on this day.
Person: “You have any plans for Valentine’s day?”
— Jack Mull (@J4CKMULL) January 24, 2018
18. And lastly, Coronavirus is still around
Zoom call with everyone so we can cry together?