Soton Tinder boys are using coronavirus pickup lines and oh God they’re horrific

Quarantine and chill?

Last night I was swiping on Tinder, and saw something that stopped me in my tracks. A Soton Tinder boy’s bio said: “Just looking for someone to help me repopulate the post-coronavirus world.” A chill descended over me, I felt physically sick, and immediately swiped left. I was so horrified I didn’t even stop to take a screenshot to send the group chat, but my God I wish I had. Although, I probably didn’t need to: Those words will now be etched on my brain for the rest of eternity.

Not deterred, I swiped onwards but began to notice a horrifying trend: There were a lot (and I mean, a LOT) of coronavirus-themed Tinder bios.

Now, we all know there’s nothing like a growing sense of impending doom to make people desperate for a shag (remember all the Brexit-era “looking to leave the single market” jokes?), but I’m really not sure how I feel about all these people turning a pandemic, literally killing thousands of people worldwide, into a pickup line. But hey, that’s just me.

Without further ado, here are the best (read: Worst) coronavirus pickup lines on Soton Tinder right now. You’re welcome:

‘Quarantine and chill?’

So, if you have symptoms of coronavirus (a new, continuous cough, and/or a high temperature), NHS advice is that you self-isolate and stay quarantined inside your house for seven days. A lot of boys are basing their bios off of this – although, if I’m going to be stuck in my house, in quarantine or lockdownย for seven days or more, Rob from Tinder probably doesn’t even make the top 50 on my list of “people I’d like to be quarantined with”. Sorry, Rob.

A rhyming couplet worthy of Shakespeare himself

Or we could just watch Netflix … apart

Or not x

“Corona quarantine cuddles” is a sentence I pray Iโ€˜ll never hear again

‘I’ve got toilet paper’

As anyone who’s dared to venture into Portswood Sainsbury’s will know, toilet paper (along with hand sanitiser, pasta and biscuits) is rapidly becoming a very scarce commodity in Southampton. In these coronavirus-panic buying times, openly broadcasting that you’ve got access to toilet paper is a massive flex indeed.

Maybe the best way to get some nowadays is to go back to a Tinder boy’s house, say you’re popping to the loo, steal a roll of their toilet paper and then quickly run home before they notice you’ve gone? If anyone tries this, please DM @sotontab to let me know if it works (please) (I really need toilet roll).

What a kind soul, willing to share his loo roll (but only once he’s flexed that he’s a medic x)

What an interesting proposition

If I did have any hand san, I wouldnโ€˜t be sharing it with you, bby

Sharing is caring

‘I don’t have coronavirus haha’

This is arguably the least inventive of all the pickup lines – just a statement of fact, rather than witty toilet roll banter. Also – I wouldn’t trust a random boy off Tinder to not have an STI, so would I trust him to not have coronavirus? Not. A. Chance.

“Pretty sure” isnโ€˜t going to cut it, Dan

Each of these four statements is a big fat lie

Good to know we’re less important than football, ladies

The desperation here is palpable

‘If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, I will’

This next genre of coronavirus bios seems to be based on ‘jokes’ about people dying of coronavirus. I mean, it’s just not that funny, really, is it?

Thanks hun x what a treat x

Hey ho

Is it funny, though? Is it?

Social! Distancing! Is! Important!

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