Soton Tinder boys are using coronavirus pickup lines and oh God they’re horrific
Quarantine and chill?
Last night I was swiping on Tinder, and saw something that stopped me in my tracks. A Soton Tinder boy’s bio said: “Just looking for someone to help me repopulate the post-coronavirus world.” A chill descended over me, I felt physically sick, and immediately swiped left. I was so horrified I didn’t even stop to take a screenshot to send the group chat, but my God I wish I had. Although, I probably didn’t need to: Those words will now be etched on my brain for the rest of eternity.
Not deterred, I swiped onwards but began to notice a horrifying trend: There were a lot (and I mean, a LOT) of coronavirus-themed Tinder bios.
Now, we all know there’s nothing like a growing sense of impending doom to make people desperate for a shag (remember all the Brexit-era “looking to leave the single market” jokes?), but I’m really not sure how I feel about all these people turning a pandemic, literally killing thousands of people worldwide, into a pickup line. But hey, that’s just me.
Without further ado, here are the best (read: Worst) coronavirus pickup lines on Soton Tinder right now. You’re welcome:
‘Quarantine and chill?’
So, if you have symptoms of coronavirus (a new, continuous cough, and/or a high temperature), NHS advice is that you self-isolate and stay quarantined inside your house for seven days. A lot of boys are basing their bios off of this – although, if I’m going to be stuck in my house, in quarantine or lockdown for seven days or more, Rob from Tinder probably doesn’t even make the top 50 on my list of “people I’d like to be quarantined with”. Sorry, Rob.
‘I’ve got toilet paper’
As anyone who’s dared to venture into Portswood Sainsbury’s will know, toilet paper (along with hand sanitiser, pasta and biscuits) is rapidly becoming a very scarce commodity in Southampton. In these coronavirus-panic buying times, openly broadcasting that you’ve got access to toilet paper is a massive flex indeed.
Maybe the best way to get some nowadays is to go back to a Tinder boy’s house, say you’re popping to the loo, steal a roll of their toilet paper and then quickly run home before they notice you’ve gone? If anyone tries this, please DM @sotontab to let me know if it works (please) (I really need toilet roll).
‘I don’t have coronavirus haha’
This is arguably the least inventive of all the pickup lines – just a statement of fact, rather than witty toilet roll banter. Also – I wouldn’t trust a random boy off Tinder to not have an STI, so would I trust him to not have coronavirus? Not. A. Chance.
‘If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, I will’
This next genre of coronavirus bios seems to be based on ‘jokes’ about people dying of coronavirus. I mean, it’s just not that funny, really, is it?
Related stories recommended by this writer:
• How to dress for your online seminar to suit your general vibe
• Between COVID-19 and the strikes, I’ve missed a year of uni. I want my money back
• Portswood has run out of hand sanitiser due to coronavirus panic buying