Kitchen Nightmares: Soton student edition

Does anyone actually know how to cook?


We all know cooking for the first time at uni doesn't always go to plan, but here at The Soton Tab we wanted to know just how bad 'bad' really is.

From kitchen fires to disgusting food combinations, we asked on our Instagram for your biggest kitchen nightmares and it's safe to say you lot definitely don't belong in the kitchen. Here's what you had to say:

We put water on an oil fire

There was a pan of hot oil ready to fry chicken which set on fire. One of our quick-thinking flatmates panicked and decided to put the oil fire out with water… you can only imagine what happened next.

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Oh dear

For the full video, head to The Soton Tab's Instagram.

'I love willies'

I came back from a night out and went into the kitchen still drunk to find blood all over the wall. I began panicking, until I realised one of my drunk flatmates had written "I love willies" on the wall with ketchup.

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Don't we all

Instant mash on toast?

I was two weeks into uni and running out of food from my last shop with my parents. Luckily, I remembered my aunt giving me two boxes of instant mash. I also had some bread left, so stooped to the lowest point in my life: Instant mash on toast for dinner.

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At least the ketchup livens it up?

I just kept adding spices and flour

I was trying to make sweet potato burgers and it wasn't really working. I didn't give up hope and kept adding spices and flour. The burgers all fell apart and I ended up with a big inedible poop which almost made me vom.

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Delicious and nutritious

The sad fate of a lasagne

In first year my flat mate and I decided to make a lasagne together. Disaster struck trying to get it out the oven when the whole thing fell onto the floor. Two years on, we've never tried it again.

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brb crying

I ended up licking the skirting board

I was living in Monte in first year and I made nachos (overcooked Doritos and a tin of Aldi chilli con carne). At 4am after having had a couple (17-ish) of drinks I spilt the chilli everywhere in the hall on the way back to my room.

The next day I proceeded to get into an argument with the cleaner and an exchange student, trying to convince them it was actually a culinary accident, not chunder leading to my room. I ended up licking the skirting board to prove it was food and not sick, after which the cleaner got on all fours to sniff it.

The pizza just melted through the grill

My flatmate tried to cook a pizza in the grill and it just melted straight through the grill into a puddle of dough, cheese and tomato.

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We set our kitchen on fire

Me and a few mates were pre-drinking on another floor of our halls when the fire alarm went off. Someone noticed smoke pouring out and we realised it was our kitchen.

No one ever admitted to being the culprit, but we know it was caused by the toaster wire being left across the hob which had been left on.

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Oops

For the full video, head to The Soton Tab's Instagram.

I definitely owe my flatmates new pans

In first year I tried to make pasta and achieved the impossible: I burnt the water.

Not defeated, I tried again and burnt the spaghetti to the bottom of the pan. Safe to say I owe my flatmates new pans.

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HOW?

Cracked it

My housemate was trying to fry some eggs but couldn't even get past the first step. He tried to crack them into the pan and they shattered, resulting in a puddle of egg.

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We weren't sure whether it was chicken or fish

We woke up after a night out to find the oven on and some very questionable looking food inside. It turns out one of our housemates had tried to cook themselves some drunk food but forgot they had put it in the oven and went to bed.

There's still an ongoing debate about whether they were chicken nuggets or fish fillets.

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Questionable indeed

I melted my egg poacher

I was trying to poach some eggs for breakfast, but in the hangover haze I forgot to put water in the base of it and it all melted.

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"Woops"