To celebrate Crushampton’s rise to fame, here are our favourite posts so far

There’s probably one about you on here


With 4,300+ posts, it's safe to say that Crushampton has quietly, but very surely, staked its claim as one of Soton's most popular Facebook pages.

Before the launch of the page, we were all too familiar with the heartache of seeing your one true love from across Hartley, only to know that you would probably never see them again. Thankfully, those dark days are over.

The admins are, safe to say, the heroes which we have always yearned for. They've asked to stay anonymous for the time being, but want everyone to keep posting, and hope that all of your Crushamptons come true. With their help, as well as a little research of our own, we present to you the best confessions which the page had to offer.

Sexy sexy Crushampton

Image may contain: Food, Indoors, Girl, Face, Table, Female, Glasses, Furniture, Human, Person, Sunglasses, Accessory, Accessories

#Crushampton3886 I regret faking it those few times in bed, you weren't all that. Soz but learn how to make one cum

#Crushampton3873 Anyone got a gold card in return for a shag 😉 Apply below x

#Crushampton3753 I have a slight problem in bed. Whenever a girl calls me daddy I go out to get some milk and never see them again

#Crushampton3229 Are you a bus? Cos damn girl U6C

Hopes and dreams Crushampton

Image may contain: Pc, Laptop, Electronics, Computer, Room, Indoors, Classroom, Person, People, Human

#Crushampton2866 Can Soton uni students all agree to start going out earlier – pres at six, out by eight in bed by 12 – still have them wild nights but damn, a girl needs her sleep

#Crushampton3747 Had a nightmare yesterday that I finished university, got myself a job, started a family, and maybe bought a dog. We decided to move into a new home with our life savings, and there in the kitchen was a Circuit Laundry washing machine.

Self-Aware Crushampton

Image may contain: Desk, Table, Screen, Monitor, Display, LCD Screen, Library, Book, Laptop, Shelf, Room, Furniture, Headphones, Headset, Indoors, Electronics, Pc, Computer, Person, Human

#Crushampton3730 Sure exams suck but there's nothing worse than knowing you'll never have a Crushampton post written about you

#Crushampton712 is Crushampton the new gossip girl? xoxo

#Crushampton3756 Do you ever see witty posts about uni on Crushampton and wonder why you didn't think of it first and why you can't be as funny as others and then want to crawl in a hole and cry

#Crushampton3115 I'm too paranoid to sit on level one of Hartley library now, walk down the steps into the open and feels like you're entering love island about to be judged by the rest of the contestants. Dare make one lap of the room to check for seat availability (maybe, just maybe the group study rooms in the back or a booth will be free) and all these crushampton island contestants be thinking you're trying to catch their attention. Make eye contact with someone for 0.2 seconds and you can already visualise the shitpost they're preparing to write about you. Don't need this stress on top of exam stress. cba. Why can't you lot be normal, do you not have exams I beg. Get out of Hartley villa if you're not planning on doing serious work, get your heads in the game x

Exam Crushampton

Image may contain: Overcoat, Coat, Outdoors, Grass, Plant, Footwear, Shoe, Clothing, Apparel, Human, Person

#Crushampton3758 Liking every Crushampton is not a substitute for revision, Go do some work

#Crushampton3766 You can rank your coolness by where you regularly sit in Hartley.

1st floor – coolest of cool

2nd floor/ground floor – damn cool

3rd floor – meh not fascinating but alright

4th floor – wanna be cool but couldn't be less cool

5th floor – literally you're a smear on society you couldn't be cool even if you devoted your life to trying.

#Crushampton3040 Is there ANYTHING better than finally packing your things after a non productive day in the library??

#Crushampton3619 I wish they allowed dogs in Hartley. Much quieter than first years.

#Crushampton3553 Figuring out how to seal the exam paper at the end has to be the hardest part of the exam

I don't even know Crushampton

Image may contain: Face, Human, Person, Furniture, Text, Pillow, Cushion

#Crushampton3781 just witnessed a literal CROW walking about inside the SUSU shop. Genuinely mincing about the tills and none of the staff were batting an eyelid lol a day in the life

#Crushampton3779 CRUSHAMPTON DOESN'T ALLOW ROBOTS

Guess I beat the system <3

Show me your metallic titties

WALL-E x

#Crushampton3471 I dare any of you fuckers to eat pineapple pizza in Italy. Go on ya cunt

#Crushampton3638 Our housemates often smoke up with the cat shut in their room. Do you think this is why the cat is so scatty? Should we be worried for her wellbeing?