What your Soton halls would be if they were Friday Night Dinner characters

Every friendship group has its Wilson


It's the end of Freshers' Fortnight, and hopefully you've all adjusted to life in halls. While you can make some great friends there, you also have to get used to mouldy fridges, rank bathrooms and weird neighbours.

The question remains whether you realllyyyy know the people you'll be living with for the next year. To help you out, we've compiled this handy guide, comparing Southampton's halls of residence to characters from everyone's fave show, Friday Night Dinner.

Glen Eyre: Jackie

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Stoic and dependable, Glen is absolutely the mum of the Southampton halls. You know how to throw the most banging pres and will probably have to teach yourself how to rustle up a roast, because even Dominos won't deliver to you.

You may have some drawbacks (like the U2C taking roughly seven hours to get to town) but we love you for it all the same.

Monte: Martin

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Weird and gross, but just enough to still be a little bit loveable, everyone in Monte has definitely eaten ketchup straight from the bottle at least once.

Unlike Glen, you have the added convenience of McDonalds and Tesco. Luckily Southampton’s too cold for you to take your top off 24/7, because I can guarantee Burgess Road Maccies' staff would not appreciate it.

Word on the street is that some of your residents take the phrase "shit on it" far too literally.

Connaught: Jonny

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Just like the entitled son who only comes home for a bit of Mummy’s cooking, you in Connaught are definitely a Jonny. You can barely make toast, but grab your daily full English in the canteen to make up for it.

The (slightly) cooler one of the two brothers, you will wile away your Southampton years in Sobar before ending up with a 2.2 and becoming the deeply average estate agent you were always destined to be.

Highfield: Adam

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Southampton’s other catered halls can only be the other Goodman son: Adam, basically the same as Jonny, but smaller and more cringe.

Avenue’s only a couple of minutes away, so you have plenty of time before lectures to brood in your room whilst contemplating your existence as a struggling musician. You will inevitably pursue this for about five seconds after graduation, before sacking it off to do something ‘in media’. This sounds impressive, but even you won’t know what it is that you actually do.

Mayflower: Wilson

Standing around the edge of Ocies, silently watching the freshers girls and deciding on who to chirpse: this is the true art of the Mayflower fuck boy.

Jim’s right to be scared of you, because anyone who goes near you is extremely likely to catch at least two STIs. Play your cards right, Mayflower, and your dogged determination might just land you a girl off Tinder.

Archers Road: Jim

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Your halls are grim af, and everyone looks at you with a mixture of disgust and fascination. You act very strangely because you’re definitely permanently on something, which is perfect as you’re essentially living in a drug den.

"Something smells good" may be an overstatement, but your halls definitely smell like something. Alone in the middle of The Avenue, you’re never actually invited to anything but occasionally will pop up in a Bedford Place smoking area, looking for some validation and shouting "shalom" with wild abandonment.