What sort of Bushtucker Trial you should do based on your degree
Pride and Prejudice and Balls
The best three weeks of the year are here: Christmas is around the corner, everyone is doing cute winter-themed activities and Ant and Dec have taken 10 'celebrities' into the jungle to humiliate them in the name of entertainment. Whilst celebrities face their fears for food, we wonder- what trial should you do based on your current degree choice?
Let's face it, for a first in this subject you need to master the art of talking bollocks, so why not eat some? Chow down on the likes of kangaroo anus, a witchetty grub and fish eyeballs for the gold stars.
How about doing the infamous Celebrity Cyclone faced by the final 5 campmates each year? Continuously smacked in the face by workload you curl up, assume the foetal position and wait for it to eventually end. Each time you think you're getting ahead and succeeding, you get knocked down and have to start all over again.
I'd say something with bugs but apparently you guys wouldn't find that a challenge, you'd actually rather enjoy it… Each to their own I guess…
For your gold stars you'll have to complete a challenge whilst trapped in a small space that slowly fills with water. All seems pretty chill, maybe even going well, then suddenly you're nearly drowning under impending deadlines, referencing and key facts snapping at your heels.
You're the group skydiving into camp! Your degree is the progression of the jump: There's an initial, terrifying plummet as the content seems impossible, then your parachute of comprehension kicks in and things actually seem like they will be okay. Admittedly, you are probably still failing but at least it's at a slower rate now.
You are trapped in an underground cave that you must explore for the golden stars, don't fret about getting out, Plato theorised that only philosophers have the knowledge and understanding to escape the cave whilst the rest of us shlums are still chained inside… Alright for some!
Like numerous celebrities through the years, you maths wizzes shall be popping your head into a plastic bubble filled with critters. Come exam season, it's easy to imagine this is similar to a revision session. Close your eyes, hold your breath against the smell (of unwashed, stressed students) and just get through it.
Seen the one where they have to hold a giant motherfucking spider in their mouths? You undergrads have your politically superior opinions on the tip of your tongue, waiting to wriggle free and attack those around you. At least with a spider in your mouth you may shut up for once.
You people delve into the minds of patients and try to work out what's going on without anything visible to look at or give you clues. For your gold stars, you'll be plunging your hand into boxes of unknown things and identifying the contents. Be careful though, you may not like what you find.
Your stars dangle high above the ground, you're going to need to take a leap of faith and see if you can clutch that star before you fall. Maybe the star will stay just out of reach, like the medical degree you initially wanted to apply for… Or maybe, just maybe, you will succeed and grab that star and get the degree swap you've been working towards since you started.
Look, let's just stick to your skill set, the highly tuned abilities that you pay £9,000 a year to harness and master. Why don't you just sit in a corner and colour in a nice picture while someone else does the physical labour? Hey, if the picture is nice enough, we'll stick it to a tree in camp so everyone can see it!
You're going to have learnt how to get clients out of pretty tight spots so why not start with yourself? Stuffed into a box surrounded by critters you must escape for the gold stars. Plus, mingling with cockroaches, snakes and unsavoury creatures will be good practise for the sorts of people you will be dealing with (and that's just the other lawyers).
For the gold stars you must build shelters for the camp. This doesn't seem challenging, building is your shit right?! Well, you cannot tell anyone how hard it was to do, how long the work took you or insist that your work is the most important. The camp is depending on you showing basic humility and modesty… This may be the hardest challenge of your life… apart from the uber hard engineering work of course!
That shits hard… Very hard… Maybe too hard. You may just end up calling "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" and quitting. No degree means no gold stars so you are now a failure and going hungry.