Every single type of swimmer at Jubilee Gym
Whether you’re a Tidal Waver or a Thunderer just don’t be a Scratcher
The Jubilee Sports Hall pool is a pretty good pool as they go, the water is a decent temperature and they usually have reasonably good tunes banging out to keep you motivated during the endless laps. However, all the nice surroundings can't mask the distinctive characters you are bound to meet each trip to the pool!
The Keen Bean
Ah they are easy to spot. Strongly tinted goggles, a swimming hat, Speedo branded swim gear and maybe even some sort of float to target which muscles they work at any given time. You know they mean business and God help you if you happen to get in their way, they don't have time for you shenanigans, they've got their timed laps to consider.
These are the swimmers who stretch on the side of the pool… and stretch some more… and stretch some more… then they finally get in and do some more stretches just to be on the safe side. Finally, their moment has come. They zoom down the lane, moving faster than the speed of light. They turn, zoom back all before you've done half a lap and then… and then… they stop, spend the next 10 minutes regaining their breath before they repeat proceedings. They must manage about 6 laps in total but boy, they were a hell of a 6 laps!
It's great to rope friends into exercise, you motivate each other to go, support each other throughout and can complain together afterwards about how hard the workout was. Swimmer friends will be the odd pairings swimming alongside each other, doing breaststroke so they can chat while they swim, going at the pace of an old grandma. Literally very little exercise is done when you go swimming with a friend, it's more like a gossip session with the occasional kick of the leg to get you from one end of the pool to the other.
The Snazzie Suit Wearer
Fair play to you, the rest of us are in boring, dark coloured swimsuits but you said 'No' to being one of the herd. From your Hawaiian print to your Aztec pattern to your contraption of straps and cutouts, you have brightened all our days with your spectacle ensemble.
Oh dear. We have all been the victim of these people and, probably, all been guilty of BEING this person. It's not really your fault, the lanes are close together, arms are swinging everywhere, someone will come in contact with you and if they have nails they will leave a red scratch mark down the length of your thigh.
Look, backstroke is a cool stroke and works muscles that front strokes don't. That being said, you people are annoying. You cannot keep to a straight line and quite frankly you are a hazard to all involved. Alternatively, on behalf of backstrokers, other swimmers- please show a little kindness to your fellow man, they literally cannot see where they are going and they are trying their best; they probably hate themselves in that moment as much as you hate them.
The Tidal Waver
These people. These goddamn people. You know when you're swimming and suddenly half the pool is in your mouth and up your noise and you lose the rhythm of your swim because someone has splashed down next to you and the waves created have swept you away? That's because of these fuckers.
You clearly belong in the fast lane, you have the skill and the speed. Yet, you've chosen to slum it in the middle lane. Is this a lack of self confidence or a desire to lord it over the rest of us? Either way, you're now continually overtaking so that you can keep up your set pace leaving a trail of panicked swimmers who feel inadequate because they can't swim as fast as you.
The Bad Swimmer
It's good to get into a new sport and we've all been there and been this person but… you alright hun? You look like you're struggling, moving more sideways than forwards and you've just hit about 6 people with your flailing limbs.
The Naked Showerer
Honestly, nothing but respect for you. You've bared all for a hot shower (because it's the warm communal shower or ice water in the cubicles). You don't give a damn as you wash away the chlorine in your birthday suit. Many of us shall never be as bold as you but we salute you.