How to survive graduation like a pro
University? Completed it mate
Graduation is a special time that brings together family and friends. It’s a celebration of achievement and success. It’s a goodbye to exam stress, Tuesday night sesh’s and friends that you are secretly relieved to see the back of. It’s a hello to unemployment and your box bedroom back home that your parents have changed to neutral colours ‘for guest’s’ (your parents have no friends). To truly make the most of this momentous day, here are some highly researched top tips:
Turn up late
To keep your parents on their toes and to spice things up a bit, don’t be punctual. Treat this day as a time to relax. This is not to run around making sure everything is in the right place. No one will care if you turn up in the middle of the ceremony with Starbucks. People just love it when they have to move up for you to sit down.
Don’t take any pictures
You won’t want to remember this day. You don’t care about any of the people. You just need to piece of paper that you killed yourself over for three years for. Friends? Don’t have any. Generic throwing graduation cap pic? It’s been done. On to the next.
Wear the highest heels possible
Make a statement. You don’t want to be comfortable. You want to SLAY. Stunt on these bitches. There’s no way you’ll end up 4 hours in and contemplating hacking your foot off like a dodgy Saw sequel. Don’t worry, there’s no chance you’ll stack it and embarrass yourself in front of thousands of people whilst going up to receive your diploma. Absolutely no chance.
Sleep is for the weak
It’s not even that long a ceremony. Make the most of your last days as a carefree student and sesh it up the night before. You won’t regret it whilst you sit there for hours in the stuffed, sweaty hall watching people you don’t know or care about graduate. You’ve had plenty of practice in lectures, you’ll be able to stay fresh.
Clap for all the people
All of these people you don’t know deserve your undivided attention. You might have never met 99% of them, but you’re all kindred spirits. You’ve all gone through the same struggles, the same highs and lows. This is the time to support each other. Because of this you must obviously clap loudly and unashamedly for every single person for hours upon hours. Your love for your fellow graduate is undying.
Food is just not a priority. This is your graduation, a day you’ll never forget. You can’t waste this on breakfast. Every single moment must be focused on the celebrations of the day, not on making sure you don’t faint from starvation! So what if your hungry? They’ll be plenty of restaurants that don’t have massive queues of other hungry graduates to go to after.
*Please don’t starve yourself.