Every annoying person in your exam
They will all piss you off
Yes, you’ve got a cold. Yes, it’s not your fault. You know what is your fault? The incessant sniffing. Stop. For the love of God. If people throw tissues at you, will you use them? At this point the people around you are ready to get a zero in the paper for telling you to shut up.
You showed up 40 minutes early to the exam hall, just in case. They might have moved the exam, you might forget where the building is. Even though you’ve been here for three years. You brought ten black pens. And ten blue pens. And a couple of highlighters. Just in case. You’ve been studying for several months, even though this is the only exam you have. You sat outside the exam room with 800 pages of notes, making everyone around you nervous.
You showed up at 9:25am and you don’t know what your seat number is. You’ve borrowed a biro off someone you saw in the corridor, and ran to the student shop to buy a calculator on the way. This is one of 5 exams you have this week and you have no idea if you’ve studied the right material. You will end up with a solid 2:1 and no one who knows you will understand how.
The person who has forgotten everything
You sit in your seat. You realise you don’t have your pens, and head back to your bag. The examiner reminds everyone they need their student ID. You don’t have yours. Oh, and you left your water bottle. You should probably get your packet of tissues. Bloody hell man, SIT DOWN.
The person who goes to no lectures
You have no way of knowing if you’re in the right area because you don’t know anyone on your course. You didn’t have anyone to send last minute questions to, so you have no idea whether you’re meant to answer one question or two. You had no original lecture notes, so everything has come off the powerpoint slides in the last three weeks.
You keep clicking your pen. You tap your foot every second. You’ve dropped every item on your desk. You’ve hit the person behind you’s table with your chair. Four times. You keep flicking through the paper as though it will miraculously produce answers you don’t know. Take a deep breath. For all our sakes.
The great escape-er
We’re only 15 minutes in, and you’re already halfway through. There’s 45 minutes to go and you’re handing in your paper, grabbing your bag, and leaving. What is this sorcery? Do you have a Sheldon Cooper-esque eidetic memory? More likely, you are 100% sure you know nothing so cut your losses and went for a beer. The rest of us view your escape with loathing and envy.
The exhausted person
Energy drink in hand, you’re shaking with the sheer amount of caffeine you’ve consumed. You haven’t slept in days, and deep purple bags have formed under your eyes. Nothing will stick in your brain. Your eyes keep glazing over, and halfway through the paper you realise you probably should have just gone to bed.