SUSU just tried to ban water bottles on campus

A proposal to “stop selling bottled water in all Union-controlled outlets” and lobby the university to follow suit was passed – but only after the Union President moved to scrap any mention of explicit banning of plastic bottles.

Union President Ben Franklin told us “I parted out the part that says we’ll ban/stop selling bottled water, but we’re going to start making more of a push to sell reusable bottles for less and introducing water fountains to encourage people to stop using loads of plastic.”

You can’t take this away from me

SUSU then added further confusion to the mix by going on to pass a policy banning ALL plastics from campus (presumably including water bottles).

They hope to achieve a no-plastic campus “by the end of the next academic year.”

Attendees also marginally passed a bizarre policy which had previously been vetoed – bringing in ‘sleeping pods’ to the library.

The move comes despite the Union’s policy direction in the last year resolving to be more efficient with the extremely limited space on campus, but the vote remained one of the tightest in what has been called a “ridiculous” session of Union policy-making.

The Union’s policy itself contains multiple references to pods “like the ones at google”, and notes that “sleep is a vital part of uni life”.

They also claim that “some students find it impractical to go back home during the day to nap”.

Joe, a second year History student said “everyone would have just shagged in them”.

Mary, third year English said “As if anyone would be able to sleep in this sweltering heat (in the library)”.

Other policy highlights include approving the appointment of SUSU the cat as an Honorary President and refusing to ban palm oil products.

They also overwhelmingly (172 to 44) approved a landmark policy to bring in student-run allotments on campus, claiming “an allotment would promote awareness of where our food comes from”, and that “gardening can be therapeutic”.

A warning was included in the policy that the allotments “would need to be managed to avoid students helping themselves to the fruits of someone else’s hard labour”.

Jake, third year History, said “It’s been a long time coming. What could possibly go wrong?”