How to fake having your life together during exam season

No, of course you don’t have your shit together – but here’s how you can make people around you believe you do.

Wear clean clothes

We’re not suggesting you have the time to actually do your laundry. But hitting Primark and buying some clean underpants and t-shirts (that don’t stink of BO) will definitely make the world think you’ve really got your life together. Just ignore the festering pile of washing in your laundry basket until after your last exam.

Primark: supplier of emergency clean underwear

Smell nice

Speaking of cleanliness, make sure you smell fresh at all times – nothing screams “my life is falling apart” more than greasy hair and pit stains. Keep a pocket sized dry shampoo and a travel deodorant with you at all times, and no one will know it’s your third consecutive night in the library.

Wear gym gear 24/7

If you’re running around campus in your active wear leggings and gym shoes, it looks – to the average person – that not only are you prepared enough that you haven’t needed to cram for your exams but you also have time to actually go to the gym. Bonus points if you can pass off your “I am literally going to fail everything” sweat as “I just worked out and I’m a super healthy person” sweat.

Stay well rested

Hide the fact you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks with a heavy handed swoop of concealer. Looking bright-eyed and bushy tailed will make everyone believe you’re coping well under the pressure of cramming a year’s worth of work into three weeks. Keep yourself from falling asleep by downing energy drinks and no one will have any idea how exhausted you truly are.

Study in front of other people

Taking up your kitchen table with your reams of notes, six textbooks and assortment of highlighters will really make your housemates think you’ve got your life together. They’ll never know that no matter how much you highlight, NONE OF IT IS GOING IN.

Use social media

If you went to the library and didn’t post on your snapchat story, did you really go to the library? A few funny filtered snaps captioned #studyinghard shows your friends, acquaintances and tech-savvy mum that you haven’t let the overwhelming dread take over yet.

How will people know you’re studying if you don’t snap about it?

Get books

Load up your library desk with a mountain of books from your course collection. Around ten should be enough. If  you have a few open around you and make it  look like you’re reading from them, those around you will truly believe that you have got your shit together and there’s no internal screaming going on in your brain.

Keep your make-up looking tip-top

If you’re a mascara fan, make sure you wear waterproof. This way your make-up has extra staying power for those late-night library sessions, and the tears streaming down your face from the thought of failing out of uni won’t create giant black streaks. It’s a win-win.

Pre-pack a healthy lunch

Making yourself a chicken salad sandwich is a great idea: it saves you money and stops you from eating junk food out of the vending machine. Being prepared really shows you know what you’re doing with your life – especially if you make your lunch in front of your housemates. It doesn’t matter if you eat your sandwich after being in the library for precisely twenty minutes and spend the next six hours of your study session scarfing crisps and chocolate: at least you seemed healthy.

Stay hydrated

Keep a full water bottle with you at all times. To the rest of the world it looks like you’re concerned about staying healthy but only you know the truth; if everything gets too much, at least you can drown yourself. If standard drowning isn’t your style, fill your water bottle (bonus points if it’s a fancy brand) with vodka and lemonade and you can drown your sorrows.