How YikYak perfectly sums up everything that happens to students

In this day and age, you are not classified as an official uni student if you don’t have YikYak. Whether you use it as your toilet reading or if you obsessively refresh it every 5 minutes, it has become one the staples of modern day university life.

Here is a step by step guide on the daily timeline of YikYak:

WAKING UP 

Cereal and YikYak make the perfect nutritional breakfast

It’s 8 o’clock in the morning and your alarm has just gone off for your day of lectures and seminars. Before you even get out of bed you open up YikYak for some early morning banter. At this time of day, there are only two types of Yaks that are going around. The first are the people moaning that they have to endure mundane day of lectures that they can’t be bothered to get out of bed for.

But, however much they complain about having to wake up early, these people will always end up rolling out of bed every day to make it to what they are paying £9,000 a year for as they feel too guilty to bunk. The  second type of people are the ones who are still off their nut from their wild night before (which in some peoples cases is still very much going on). These people will be “buzzing” until it hits 1pm and then have the sudden urge to vomit everywhere while their lecturer struggles to open PowerPoint.

THE DAY 

Only came to this lecture to yak about it

YikYak is quite busy during the rest of the day, with a lot of its content filled with complaints, the typical sign of an British university. These complaints are pretty much the same every day, and are either some poor soul having no idea what their lecturer is saying or about the dismal grey weather (it’s so British it hurts). If you’re lucky, they’ll be a certain scandal such as a lecturer swearing (it’s like they are real people) or someone casually bringing a bowl of cereal to one of their seminars.

You’ll also get the complete opposites of the people who sleepily trail to lectures, the ones who shamefully sleep past their 9ams (and 11am, and 1pms) and then persist to yak about how they need to stop sleeping in so much and get their lives together (whilst continuing to sleep in and not get their lives together). Every few hours some innocent individual will yak a message of positivity such as “hope everyone is having a good day!” and you think to yourself that these people definitely have not had the life sucked out of them after one too many jaeger bombs like the rest of us.

ANY TIME PAST MIDNIGHT 

YikYak past midnight is almost always but not limited to: anything racist, anything aggressive or anything sexual. They racist yaks will consist of the same recycled joke about slow-walking Chinese students and their need to travel in packs. You’ll also have the people who have nothing better to do and go on YikYak purely to have a heated argument with an anonymous stranger about anything from feminism to a misspelling of you’re/your.

The sexual yaks can only be described as one thing: blunt. Anytime from around midnight to 4am some lonely and desperate soul will simply have to type the words “horny” and they will instantly receive multiple messages asking them whether they are a girl or not. At some point Snapchats are exchanged and you wish them well in all their romantic endeavours.

AFTER THE NIGHT OUT HYPE 

Grumpy af

It’s 3am and people are coming back to their halls/houses after their banger of a night. Because of their highly intoxicated state, they have a tendency to be a little bit loud. Ensue the yakkers telling their neighbours to shut up as they need to be awake in 4 hours time (while slightly jealous that they are not too smashed out of their brains).

You’ll also have the drunkards who proudly boast that they’ve just successfully pulled a 10/10 but will then sadly admit in the morning that their 10 was in fact a 3.2. On the odd occasion, someone will randomly post a philosophical question at 4am and will keep people awake debating the true meaning of life and will deeply regret it the morning over their Sainsburys basics rice pops.