Pointless Questions with Pointless Positions: Part 1

With elections fast approaching, most students avoid concourse and the wave of over enthusiasm from the candidates. So, I have undertaken extensive research to quiz the candidates on what really matters to the ‘regular student’. This episode features the answers from candidates for President and VP Education.

Firstly, those cheeky presidents. Here’s all you need to know.

Gilani, who has possibly the most complicated love life as when asked who he would ‘snog, marry, avoid’ out of Rebekah Brooks, Michelle Dando or Me he replied with “well Michelle and I have agreed to hold-off on our open relationship, whilst we’re campaigning against each other – so avoid. I’d marry Brooks cause she’s got a lot of stories to tell… so looks like we’re snogging, Lucy…” (obviously I’m chuffed to be snogged by someone so famous!) David seems to a be a water fan as he enjoys underwater rock, paper, scissors and his favourite drink is SUSU water. He likes a night out in Popworld and wants to become a program controller at Radio 1 in later life.

David Cattermole, perhaps the most relaxed candidate. He took two gap ‘yarhs’, enjoys Family guy, Formula 1 and has asked a bouncer to throw him out of Sobar because he was too drunk to do it himself and has the infamously good looking Matt Searle on his campaign team. Could this mean that he wins the ladies vote?

Michelle Dando, the most attractive candidate of course. She would avoid Alex Bees, Luke O’Brien and Jonny Brooks as none of them meet her standards apparently. She loves the Vixen cheerleaders, expensive cocktails and believes she has beauty, brains, and balls of steel. Her pincode is 9696 as it spells ‘XOXO’ and when asked to describe SUSU she replied “NEEDS Michelle Dando”.

PeeWee, the smallest candidate, possibly ever? He would choose a Black Russian at the bar, has done an “awful lot of performing” and has THE James ‘Irish’ on his campaign team providing serious competition for Cattermole. He once woke up after a night out just in his pants in bed with two guys with a chipped tooth and a dent in his nose yet, the worst rumour he heard about himself was that he had changed the position he was running for to VP DCI.

Ellis, the politest candidate as he apologised to my ‘loved one’ for admitting he would marry me as it’s his New Years Resolution. His favourite sport is getting out of bed and his favourite night out consists of “where ever the vodka takes him”. As an alternative degree he would do BSc Sabbatical Engineering but wants to be a pole dancer, whilst comparing himself to Sam Ling “because he won”.

Jim Dykes, perhaps the most controversial candidate. His favourite drink is gin and tonic as it “kept the empire going”, he couldn’t compare himself to any current sabbs because he “doesn’t know any” and would give himself 8/10 on the looks scale. He continues his controversial campaign by saying that he would have done Philosophy but “at a better university than Southampton”, is this the controversy needed to end all controversy?

Sophie Bradfield, the cheeriest candidate I believe. She has been down the highest waterslide in the world and loves the irony and wittiness of Glee. Her favourite sport to play is basketball, but when it comes to watching it’s street dance. How funky.

Next VP Education, the contest is between just two candidates this year, so it’s a race to see who can get you the best out of your education here at Southampton.

Dessie Nedyalkova amusingly describes her relationship status as “bored”, is partial to a Chai Latte and made a resolution to do things that scare her this year. She has swam in the pond on campus twice on separate occasions and has broken her foot in Reflex and her wrist in Voodoo, so as you can see, she lives life on the edge. The worst rumour she has ever heard about herself was that she was paying people to call her ‘Queen Bee’. Could she be your new Queen of Education?

David M-W says he would marry Rebekah Brooks in case he forgot to listen to his voicemail, prefers Port over any other drink (that’s an intelligent drinker), has cycled to Paris and would like to own a chocolate shop in later life. He is (yet another) fan of Game of Thrones, physics and bowling. His idea of a good night in is to stay in with friends and watch a film in order to avoid the hangover the next day.

Look out for the next installment including the candidates for VP Sports, VP Communities and VP Democracy and Creative Industries!