What Women Say And What They ACTUALLY Mean

With Valentine’s Day looming, the most important thing you can know about a woman is that they never mean what they say. Most men don’t really get this concept, so […]


With Valentine’s Day looming, the most important thing you can know about a woman is that they never mean what they say.

Most men don’t really get this concept, so The Tab have devised a help guide to help you understand your woman/wannabe woman that little bit better so you don’t screw it all up! (Awww aren’t we kind?!)

Firstly, and probably most commonly:
“Oh you don’t have to.” = “you flippin’ better or I’ll find someone else who will”

“I think.” = “Seriously, do not question this. It’s happening. Just nod your head and agree with what follows.”

“Yeah you should!” = “ARE YOU SERIOUS???! Don’t even think about it. Never mention this idea again.”

“It’s really up to you.” = “The right decision should really be obvious by now.”

“We need.” = “I want.”

“2 minutes.”: if referred to
a) for herself; for getting ready, talking on the phone etc = “half an hour.”
b) for you; getting ready, watching t.v, being a general lad = “2 minutes.”

Next up, how she’s feeling…:
“Fine.” (well this one’s Pretty obvious) = “I have spent the whole day in bed sobbing my eyes out to Taylor Swift and telling my housemates/anyone who would listen how awful you are!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” = “Please question me on every little fine detail and spend hours listening to how unfair life is to me. Then take me out somewhere nice for dinner. Maybe even for a weekend away. HINT HINT”!

“Having a REALLY tough day!” = “I couldn’t find the shoes I wanted to wear.”

“I feel so ugly.” = “You haven’t bought me anything in so long. Now is time to offer.”

“I’m quite strong willed.” = “… so I choose you and you only to pore my heart out to!”

“You’re so manly!” = “I did something bad today. I will butter you up so you’ll forgive me when I tell you 🙂 ”

WARNING: A loud sigh is probably the most dangerous noise a woman can make. It’s frightening, you don’t know where you stand, what she means, or what is going on in the hairsprayed head of hers. If you hear this noise, back away slowly, then run.

When you should know it’s time to give up:
“Insert-any-sort-of-elaborate-excuse-here.” = “I just didn’t want to but didn’t know how to tell you.”

“I’m not ready for a boyfriend right now.” = “I’m still flirting with you and giving you false hope so you will buy me things and be there for booty-calls if I don’t find someone better in Jesters.”

“I want to get to know you first.” = “I’m still seeing my ex. I don’t want to be slutty, but I like to keep my options opened.”

“You’re my best friend.” = “I’m going to lead you on for a while, and then when I find someone else, you’ll have to be there to talk to me about it.”

“I think I recognise you.” = “Aren’t you that guy from the Infamous Jesters Photo? Yeaaaa, I’m laughing at you, not with you.”

“We’re just in very different places in life.” = “Just no.”

Finally, the most important thing to note: If she says “ooh I don’t want a fuss” or “you don’t have to get me anything”, she really means “I don’t want to have to plan it. You need to be spontaneous, surprise me with the most exciting day ever and lavish me with gifts”.