Top of the BOGS

Let’s face it, we’ve all arrived just too early for a lecture or meeting and been faced with the awkward dilemma: what to do in the ten minutes we’ve suddenly got spare. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying: I sit on the throne to kill time. 

Of course, at a university as large as Southampton, there’s bound to be some stand-out shitters and some terrible toilets. In the finest tradition of Tab investigative journalism, we’ve searched out the loveliest lavatories campus has to offer.

The Vice-Chancellor’s toilet: (Building 37, Level 4): Truly the top bog for the top dog. Featuring granite surfaces and a fancy freestanding sink, this toilet is super snazzy. The only downside is it’s not easily accessible to the average student. Also, it’s where The Tab found those toilet warning signs a while back, If you want to try it out, follow the BNOCs up to Union Council and use it then. Rating: 9/10

Don't let its ancient appearance fool you, it belies a beautiful bog

Building Five: Located in the Eustice Building just behind the library, these toilets are pretty cushty. Don’t be put off by the building’s dilapidated exterior, these loos are freshly refurbished. A nice clean loo is always appreciated. Con: They’re a little out of the way for the average student but this is obviously a plus too. 8/10

SUSU Toilets: Avoid like the plague. These toilets are some of the worst at uni. Industrial in decor and cleanliness, these loos follow the ‘wipe down’ school of design. Coupled with a huge amount of footfall, they’re not suitable for a quiet few minutes break. 1/10

Murray Building: The only 24 hour building on campus has to have excellent ablutions. The toilets near to the computer rooms are spacious, warm and come with an abundance of bog roll. Con: Can get a little busy at peak deadline time. Solid 7/10

The NOC: No one can accuse The Tab of ignoring our sites. The loos up on level six are well off the beaten track, making them perfect for a contemplative cogitation in the peace and quiet. For those of us who don’t study down at the waterfront, the 40 minute bus journey may be a little too long to hold it in. 8/10 (NOC students) 2/10 (Everyone else)

Home of some lovely lavs

Avenue Campus: The men’s toilets opposite Avenue’s Lecture Theatre B come highly recommended  We advise dropping in, so to speak, while lectures are going on – it’s the perfect place to go for those ‘desperate for a number two but too noise-frigid to go’ types. At other times though they can be a little noisy unfortunately. Also, watch out for ghosts. 6/10

Of course, there will be some top-notch toilets we’ve missed. A good rule of thumb is the newer the building, the better the bog. Try out the facilities in Life Sciences or ECS, some even have showers!

Have you got a secret shitter you’d like to share with The Tab? Or a terrible toilet never to be visited by humans? Let us know in the comments.