Nicompoop-spotting in Hartley
Term is back in full swing, and looming deadlines will probably have ensured that you have visited Hartley Library, a place where procrastination is rife. We wonder if you’ve spotted any […]
Term is back in full swing, and looming deadlines will probably have ensured that you have visited Hartley Library, a place where procrastination is rife. We wonder if you’ve spotted any of the following….
1) The Sleeper:
This individual seems to have confused Hartley Library with Hartley Grove, as they use and abuse Hartley to catch up on missed sleep from last night’s Jesters session. Standard protocol insists they use a book for a pillow – let’s hope they don’t dribble! They’re often found dotted around the library, hiding down aisles, taking up desks or on the stairs. They are most annoying coming up to exam time, as they take up valuable and limited space and books.
2) The Jack Wills Wannabe:
This poser has taken the motto “University Outfitters” to heart and has seemingly spent their whole student loan on a single hoodie, tracksuit and flip-flops (even though it’s November), giving the illustion that they’ve entered Hartley by mistake instead of the Jubilee Sports Centre. They usually head straight to Latte’s and have a coffee so that even though they’ve got no work done, they have a clear, yet caffeine obscured conscience. If they make it past the turn-stiles, they are usually found at the entrance to each level, talking loudly to their friends and checking out Facebook on their MacBook Pro, iPad or iPhone (sometimes all three) which they inevitably guilt-tripped Mummy into buying last Christmas.
3) The Invisible Man:
No-one knows what this specimen looks like as they seem to have borrowed Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, although there is much speculation. All we know for sure is that they usually own at least one pen, a notebook, and enjoy pulling random books off nearby shelves. They could just be real life trolls, in which case they are doing a cracking job. These people come forth and multiple during exam time, seemingly consuming the entire library. Feel free to move their stuff.
4) The Social-Networker:
This person seems to have confused Blackboard and SUSSED with Facebook and Twitter, emailing their lecturer with instant messaging their friends, and helpful, educational diagrams with taking pictures of their lunch using Instagram. They enjoy sitting on one of the hard to come by free computers, furiously banging the F5 key long and hard into the night, in the small hope that somebody, anybody, has liked their latest instagrammed cream cheese sandwich. This person is most annoying at 3:30 when you have a deadline at 4 and still need to print it out.
5) The Book Hogger:
This person seems to think that collecting books is like collecting Pokemon cards – gotta’ read em all! They collate all of the books for the course on their desk, often hoarding 20 at a time, piled so high they seem to be making some kind of fort, which, to be fair to them, is amongst the more interesting things to do in Hartley. They can often be confused with the invisible man as you can’t see them through their forest of books. This person is most annoying when you need that specific textbook, but they have decided that it looks much better as decoration for their desk.
This list certainly isn’t exhausted. We need YOU to name and shame any others – stitching up friends and housemates is actively encouraged!. Let us know in the comments below!