A Student's Guide to GOLD-DIGGING: Part 1

Lucy Upshall’s got some expert advice on how to “rinse guys”.

We’ve all heard Kanye West rave on about how ‘shes a golddigger, yet he’s in need’, but it’s not just American barbies that can professionally rinse men. I myself am living proof (although I have been compared to Nicki Minaj).

Kanye writes a song about Gold-diggers...Dates Kim Kardashian

I have been rinsing men since 1:53am on the 24th May 1993, starting with my Dad, and advancing through numerous guys. It’s the reason for my fantastic clothing, shoe and handbag collection, Topshop store card, extravagant food choices and some pretty immense life experiences, none of which I would have established without the power I have over men and their debit cards. Times are getting tougher for students, therefore I am prepared to share what I have perfected and made a living from for over 19 years.

I’ll start with the basics. Most of these are things I had down to a ‘T’ when I was 12 years old and I managed to spend £78 in WHSmith on new stationery for secondary school with my Dad’s card.


Firstly, have a student bank account. When you establish a solid relationship, you need somewhere to put your monthly allowance interest free. Make sure the allowance is a standing order, therefore if it ends badly, you still get money until they remember to cancel it. Trust me, this does happen. Just make sure you don’t work for the money i.e make him sandwiches or clean, instead be a strong independent women with what looks like your own direction in life (whether you have one or not). You just ‘NEED’ financial support. You want your ‘prey’ to think you are ‘different’ and that you deserve more than the average women i.e an allowance or a Fendi handbag asap.


When shopping, stay on the same level with your ‘rinsee’. Be patient, it may start with Burton and Topman, but you will grow together and end up in Ralph Lauren. I now own 3 jumpers. Make sure you spend ages trying on clothes, as in an hour in the changing room and try on at least 17 items. Show him every single one and continuously comment how you can ONLY afford two, then spend 20 minutes deciding which ones. There is a 97.7% chance, he will buy at least two (thus giving you four dresses for the price of two) because he doesn’t want to wait any more. Better than a deal at Primark.


When reasonably involved with someone, it’s often the case that sharing becomes an issue. Whether it’s an iPad, Jack Wills trackies or a car, it’s essential to use these items of his as much as possible. It may take a while, but you may end up with a brand new mini, a tablet/laptop or a dreamy onesie just because he wants to be selfish.

Getting from ‘A’ to where the moneys at

Can you believe there are even gold-digging techniques that concern driving? Although I never really think about it, driving costs money. Therefore, if you’re going anywhere, get him to drive. This will be easy if you drive as erratically as me, give him a few ‘near death’ experiences and he will never want to get in a car with you again therefore drive everywhere. Perfect, rinsing his wallet and saving your petrol in one.

So, until next week ladies when part 2 will be released, I look forward to hearing your stories that arise out of my advice. And remember, if you wear the trousers, the wallet is in your pocket.

My other parts are now out, give them a read:

Part 2

Part 3