Southampton Student 'CUDDLES FOR CASH'

This could be you....

So you’re on a night out in Portswood, and a handsome fella catches your eye. After a few Oh So Subtle smiles and casually blown kisses across the room, you pluck some courage, and ask him for a drink. Scenting a sumptuous odour of Marc Jacobs and pre-club cheesy chips, he immediately accepts. You choose cranberry juice with your Sobar triple vod because you’re an exotic kinda gal who’s worth more than just coke, and your new conquest is intrigued.

You take to the dancefloor, show off your Gangam Style and flirtatiously explain your decision to Party Like It’s The End Of The World because, after all, it is 2012. Precisely five songs later, he’s walking you home, and everyone knows the rest…

But wait. What if you don’t know?! What if no bedroom antics occur whatsoever, and you do in fact spend the rest of the evening (and to use an age-old expression here) ‘just cuddling’? What if, after a mind-blowing night of letting him be the little spoon and tenderly stroking his back, he kindly tucks fifty pounds under your pillow before leaving to catch the U1A to campus?

And what if this post-Portswood snuggle got your entrepreneurial brain thinking….how many others like this boy are there out there? How many other stressed, lonely, yearning students just want to be hugged and nurtured by an experienced woman and would pay good money for the privilege?

My name is Michelle Dando, and I am a professional cuddler. It’s a role I know I was destined for ever since my primary school teacher gave me a bag of sweets and cried at the kindness of my touch when I wrapped my arms around her aged five and a half. Since then, my career has grown from strength to strength. I’ve cuddled in all manner of places, including in the kitchens of SUSU cafe, many a Solent hall (because Solent students need love too), and under the vice-chancellor’s desk (turns out he’s a huge fan of spooning).

Some people see me as a prostitute. This cannot be further from the truth. I only ever go further with the attractive ones, and I wear three pairs of underwear beneath my La Senza pyjamas because let’s face it; I’m fully aware that my overwhelming beauty and charisma are often too irresistible for clients to ignore.

So if you fancy a cuddle and have a spare fifty quid, don’t be shy. At any hour of the day or night, feel free to drop me a line. I don’t discriminate, and will spoon you regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation or general physical appearance (you should see some of the clients I’ve picked up from Jesters). It’ll be worth it, I promise.