Drugs are a Cyclist's Best Friend

New Government Legislation was released today encouraging drug abusers to take up cycling. With some of the greats of the sport being fellow addicts, this is seen as a brilliant opportunity to give people easier access to drugs while competing at top level sport.

The scheme will look to supply Wiggo and Cav with the best support team since the Armstrong era. Armstrong, most commonly known for being the first man on the moon, had himself worked himself up to the level of Colombian drug baron, orchestrating the distribution with ‘doctor’ Michele Ferrari.

He then went on to finish 1st in the Tour De Drugs a record 7 times, proving that the drugs available through cycling are of high quality and allow you to rise straight to the top of the sport. Lance expanded his drug usage to recover from cancer but failed in winning Le Tour again due to his compatriots developing new methods in the time he was away from the sport.

The wide range of drugs include: EPO, testosterone  and many others to cater for all cyclists. Usage is actively encouraged by team mangers and doctors to the point that you’re in the wrong if your not regularly injecting yourself or having daily blood transfusions. Plans are even set up to allow dopers to get the best out of the ‘vitamins’.

This is an excellent opportunity for all drug lovers as no other sport has this access or promotion of drugs running through its veins. In fact, this mass use of drugs in sport has not been around since eastern European gymnasts in the pre-1980’s. Here’s a quote from the government:

More than a third of the top 10 finishers in the Tour de France in the last 15 years have pumped themselves full of drugs, including the current Olympic Champion. The sport has a long tradition of drug use, with the great Eddy Merckx admitting doping numerous times.’

So the message is Don’t Do Drugs – Do Drugs and Cycle!