Don't poison our pussies! Southampton's desperate plea

We propose Southampton be renamed ‘Scumhampton’.

Watch out Wankman…‘Scummy Soton’ has reached new terrifying heights. Just when you thought it couldn’t get much worse, there is yet another fearsome threat MEW to the streets of Southampton, the likes of which have never been seen before. That’s right residents; bar your doors and lock up your tuna. We have a cat-killer in our midst.

Members of the local moggy community have been put on high alert after four neighbourhood pussies have been found poisoned on the same street, two of which suffered acute kidney failure thought to be caused by cat food laced with antifreeze.

"Anti-freeze? I'll pass thanks"

Pete and Chloe Dyer from Shirley knew they were facing big trouble when they found six open tins of cat food in an alleyway near their home. Fortunately, their strong-willed moggies Claudia and Hector miraculously survived the attack.

Other poor pussies were not so lucky. Despite throwing the tins away, another of the quick-thinking Dyers’ feline menagerie, Enid, was also struck down by the atrocious effects of the deadly cat food a few days later. As Enid fought nobly for her life, her health spiralled downhill and the couple were left with no choice but to put her to sleep.

“It’s such a horrible thing for a cat to have to go through” a distressed Chloe said. “We’d had all three cats from the day they were born and now they have been separated. Who would want to do something like that?”

Inspector Rachel Stokes, from Shirley police station, said: “This is a despicable crime. We would recommend cat owners in the area remain vigilant and keep a close eye on their animals.”

Neighbourhood cat owners are incredibly concerned. Maria Roberts fears greatly for her ten-year-old cat Benny’s safety. “I can’t stand cruelty to animals”, she said, “especially cats. Luckily I’m a teacher so I am off work at the moment to keep a closer eye on Benny for the next few weeks.” (Ed- That IS lucky, Maria).

Anyone with information is advised to contact Shirley police station on 101.