Portswood's Nightclub Clientele: Part 2

Alex Bees brings you some more occupants of Portswood’s finest establishments.

Here’s a few more regulars you’ll see on a standard night out in Bevois Valley, if you missed Part 1 check it out here.

The photographers

Plural, because in this group of girls each member has a camera in one hand and their phone clutched in the other. You’ll find them snapping photos of fake fun at every opportunity ready to put on facebook first thing the next morning. In between the excessive amount of camera flashes blinding everyone in the smoking area, they’re adding a facebook check in, status update and a new tweet, most likely saying: “In Sobar with ma gals, love ya all x x lol x having a great nite 😉 x x”. If they were really having such a good time they wouldn’t be taking so many fucking photos and getting their phone out every 30 seconds.

The guy who thinks he’s on a rugby social

This bloke makes sure everybody in his drinking circle has a regimented boozing order. He clearly needs a calendar as his Sobar Tuesdays are often confused with Wessex Wednesdays. Shoes-a-boozer, dark delights and ratting restrictions are commonplace in the ‘beer garden’. Looks like there’s only one person taking part…


The guy who’s actually on a rugby social

Unlike the guy above, this lot can actually booze. Repping the classic shirt and chino combo, you’re likely to find them necking anything in liquid form. Yes they may be loud, yes they may be intimidating and yes they could probably out-drink this guy. Despite what the sceptics say they’re actually not that bad a group.

Some people just can’t handle Jesters

The narcoleptic

There’s always that one friend who after a few too many disappears into a corner to sleep it off. Anywhere that is able to hide a body from the sight of the bouncers will be suitable for them to have a cheeky nap, whether it’s behind the DJ booth or perhaps the cupboard under the stairs in Jesters. But as soon as the Baywatch theme tune fills the air they’re on the dancefloor quicker than you can say Jesticle.

The aggressive

Hated as much as the depressive, this person switches as soon as a trickle of vodka blue heads down their gullet. They’re normally found accusing every male at the bar of looking at his girlfriend’s tits or squaring up against anyone who accidentally spills part of their beverage on him. On the dancefloor they’re no better, you’ll see them shoulder barging anyone in their way and making horrendous comments about Jesters’ playlist (how dare they?!).

There you have it, next time you’re queuing for a triple (RIP Quad Vod) see who you can spot.