EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: SUSU the Cat
SUSU the Cat dishes insider dirt on this year’s elections
For those of you who have been following the Twitter debate on #votesusu, then you may have seen one more irreverent commenter: NotSUSUCat. SUSU has lived in the Union for longer than even Sam Ling and Simon Boyce and is somewhat of an expert on union politics. Obviously, such a rich source of information couldn’t be passed up by us here at The Tab, and we contacted SUSU for an interview:
LOB: Why have you only now spoken out about elections and life in SUSU?
SC: I’m a pretty chilled kitty but spotting a clear conspiracy I felt the need to inform people about my fears that Sam Ling and Vladimir Putin may share similar goals of political domination. Then I found my twitter feed was a space to voice the important cat related issues being ignored by the SUSU establishment. Clearly there is huge support from the student body for such cat issues. How else do you explain the mass boycott of Union night Glamourpuss last year if not for its clear objectification of sexy cats?
LOB: Which of the current sabbs has the best legs to rub up against?
SC: Got to be Jonny, plenty of muscle.
LOB: Which of the current candidates would you most like to share a bowl of milk with?
LOB: A Birmingham Guild candidate has suggested leaving milk around campus to attract more cats, do you think Highfield needs extra cats?
SC: Me and Roger go way back. Our falling out was when he grassed on me for catnip possession to save his own tail. We were only kittens back then and I’ve forgiven him since. As long as he doesn’t step onto Highfield anytime soon you won’t be seeing any fur fly.
LOB: What is your stance on catnip, and how does it fit with union policy?
LOB: Do you prefer chasing ducks or pigeons around the university gardens?
LOB: Nestle make Purina catfood, would you boycott them?
LOB: Is SUSU a girl or a boys name? And do you fancy joining FemSoc?
LOB: And finally, which is better: a Solent City Cat or a Highfield Suburban cat?
SC: I might like to think I’m something of a TomCat of the alleys but when it comes down to it I can’t think of anything better than snuggling up in a red chair on level 4 of the Union and writing satirical tweets about how someone I’ve never met might be a corrupt Russian politician.
There we have it, incisive and exclusive insider gossip on the students’ union courtesy of SUSU the Cat (ish) Check back here at The Tab this evening for live coverage of tonight’s proceedings.