EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: SUSU the Cat

SUSU the Cat dishes insider dirt on this year’s elections

13 years ago

SUSU the Cat, brown in real life

For those of you who have been following the Twitter debate on #votesusu, then you may have seen one more irreverent commenter: NotSUSUCat. SUSU has lived in the Union for longer than even Sam Ling and Simon Boyce and is somewhat of an expert on union politics. Obviously, such a rich source of information couldn’t be passed up by us here at The Tab, and we contacted SUSU for an interview:

LOB: Why have you only now spoken out about elections and life in SUSU?

SC: I’m a pretty chilled kitty but spotting a clear conspiracy I felt the need to inform people about my fears that Sam Ling and Vladimir Putin may share similar goals of political domination. Then I found my twitter feed was a space to voice the important cat related issues being ignored by the SUSU establishment. Clearly there is huge support from the student body for such cat issues. How else do you explain the mass boycott of Union night Glamourpuss last year if not for its clear objectification of sexy cats?

LOB: Which of the current sabbs has the best legs to rub up against?

SC: Got to be Jonny, plenty of muscle.

LOB: Which of the current candidates would you most like to share a bowl of milk with?

SC: I’ve been sharing a few cat related twitter puns with Nick Johnson and from this video I see we share common interests… I also like the amount of thought Sam Huish gave to my question “Tom or Jerry?” on the SUSU website. Either of them.

LOB: A Birmingham Guild candidate has suggested leaving milk around campus to attract more cats, do you think Highfield needs extra cats?

SC: Firstly, competition between myself and other cats is a good thing. It means that I have to work hard this last year to really identify what I stand for as a mascot of SUSU. Secondly, I know I still offer something that other cats can’t do – proper feline friendliness.

LOB: You’ve mentioned a beef with Roger, the Wessex Lane cat. How did that all kick off?

Roger, not all sweetness and light it appears

SC: Me and Roger go way back. Our falling out was when he grassed on me for catnip possession to save his own tail. We were only kittens back then and I’ve forgiven him since. As long as he doesn’t step onto Highfield anytime soon you won’t be seeing any fur fly.

LOB: What is your stance on catnip, and how does it fit with union policy?

SC: Legalize the nip and we’ll stop seeing it cut with kitty litter which is more of a threat to Cats then catnip-related-violence will ever be.

LOB: Do you prefer chasing ducks or pigeons around the university gardens?

SC: At this time of year without Ducks you don’t get Ducklings so for now I’m concentrating on the winged rats.

LOB: Nestle make Purina catfood, would you boycott them?

SC: A rarely quoted but shocking fact about Nestle is that they have an exclusively human workforce. Such inequality leaves a bitter taste between the whiskers.

LOB: Is SUSU a girl or a boys name? And do you fancy joining FemSoc?

SC: Between myself and SUSU Steve it’s got to be unisex. In answer to your FemSoc question I’d like to quote something my good friend Li Li once told me as we rowed the Atlantic; “strategic essentialism, SUSU, often simply leads to altering the methods and locations of oppressive discourses and cannot be trusted to bring about a so-called ‘fairer’ society”

LOB: And finally, which is better: a Solent City Cat or a Highfield Suburban cat?

SC: I might like to think I’m something of a TomCat of the alleys but when it comes down to it I can’t think of anything better than snuggling up in a red chair on level 4 of the Union and writing satirical tweets about how someone I’ve never met might be a corrupt Russian politician.

There we have it, incisive and exclusive insider gossip on the students’ union courtesy of SUSU the Cat (ish) Check back here at The Tab this evening for live coverage of tonight’s proceedings.