Facebook stalking just got easier

Facebook timeline is exactly the same as herpes, and the best way to treat it is by editing your past.

With Timeline everything is much more visible

Our old friend Facebook will be rolling out the dreaded ‘Timeline’ across all profiles over the next few weeks, much to its users’ disappointment, according to its blog.

I had the misfortune of getting timeline in December after hearing several rumours about a new layout and wondered how my profile would look with it. Since then I have been stuck with it. Timeline is something I would compare to what (I imagine) living with herpes is like; I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for at first and after a while it just became annoying. But just like herpes, timeline is sticking around for good.

For those of you dreading the time you turn on your favourite procrastination aid only to realise your life history can be easily explored, it’s sooner than you think. There is no roll-out date but you can expect it to happen in the next month.

Facebook timeline offers new features to display literally your life story with ‘life events’, maps and most notably a chronological breakdown of your shenanigans over the past few years. It’s not all doom and gloom though as Facebook has given users a one week window to edit their profile’s contents before the timeline can be publicly viewed.

Yes a lot of you will be saying that it’s easier for people to Facebook stalk (it actually is) and that everyone can view your past. Just like the ‘old’ facebook there’s that little thing called privacy settings and if you’ve got at least a couple of brain cells you’ll know how to use it so only your Facebook friends can see your profile. Unless of course you’ve accepted that friend request from Muhammad in Ulaanbaatar with 0 mutual friends, then you’re just a moron.

What’s with the dates on the side of the profile I hear you ask? Fancy seeing what their embarrassing hair cut looked like in 2008? Or who their ex was in 2009? What about the chunder dragon they performed during Freshers Week 2010? No problem, with the new chronological viewing you’ve got easy access to mortifying moments of your friends’ lives. And if you’re wondering what your beloved Facebook friends can see on your profile the answer is everything that was there before, it’s just in a different layout.

Tab Top Tip: Spend those precious 7 days wisely removing the embarrassing photos, awkward posts and unwanted friends to avoid maximum humiliation due to the easy navigation.