New U.S. Pizza Sauce Bill is hard to stomach

US Congress decide pizza is a vegatable. Students rejoice!

If I had to make a welcome sign for the United States of America, it would read a little something like this: ‘Welcome to the USA, where Kinder eggs are banned and pizza is a vegetable. Enjoy your stay!’

Okay, so officially, the U.S. government hasn’t quite declared pizza as a vegetable. Although debatable, Congress is not entirely run by a bunch of delusional, ignorant, cheese-loving 12-year-olds and must at least understand that vegetables are mainly grown, and you cannot grow a pizza. There is no pizza seed one can plant in the vegetable garden.

So thankfully, they have not been stupid enough to promote any bills recognising this type of legislation.
The U.S. Congress are, however, in the process of debating something equally as idiotic; the nutritional value of the tomato sauce that goes on top. That’s right, a slathering of a minimal amount of sauce on the surface of a Margherita means a pizza may stand to have nutritional worth.

The bill stands in direct contrast to the standards set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which called for restricting sodium and starch in school lunches and increasing wholegrains instead. So although it’s fantastic news for the American youth, it may come as a shock to Congress when the sane masses argue that a thin smear of tomato paste on top of a pizza doesn’t make the meal any healthier than if you order a Diet Coke as well, in place of regular one.

Margo Wootan, the Nutrition Policy Director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, has stated: “If finalised, this legislation may go down in nutritional history as a bigger blunder than when the Reagan Administration tried (but failed) to credit ketchup as a vegetable in the school lunch program. Pizza should be served with a vegetable, not count as one.”

Truer words have never been spoken. Let’s just forget about the fact that tomatoes are actually classified as fruits, but how can it be reasonable to think that only 2 tablespoons of tomato sauce is sufficient to satisfy one of a child’s 5-a-day.
Unlike real fruits and vegetables, tomato sauce is not exactly eaten alone. Instead, it is usually transported on a vehicle of carbohydrates and fat – exactly like pizza. Serving up bucket loads of empty calories and passing them of as healthy meals is not only dangerous and irresponsible, but an insult to the public’s intelligence.

With the current logic, let’s kick it up a notch. Wouldn’t serving up that same pizza with some fries also be beneficial for one’s health, simply because fries can also be labelled as ‘potato sticks’?
I mean, why don’t we just brand McDonald’s fast food as gourmet meals? And why stop there? At this rate, spraying on a bit of Lynx or Impulse will soon be equated to a shower.

Maybe someone should alert First Lady Michelle Obama? She does run an anti-childhood obesity campaign, and for the sake of America’s schoolchildren, her intervention is desperately needed.
Amy Taggart, director of Mission: Readiness, which advocates healthier school lunches, states rather bluntly:

It doesn’t take an advanced degree in nutrition to call this a national disgrace.

Pluto can’t be a planet but pizza gets to be a vegetable (sort of). I ask you, where is the justice?