Losing your Jesters virginity

One of our new contributors writes about her first visit to Jesters……

As a 2nd year student once told me, Jesters is a lot like a good horror movie; it makes you very uncomfortable, you may feel compelled to leave at times but the sheer thrill of the experience makes you want to come back for more. Rumoured to be the worst night club in Britain, I was hardly surprised.

The foul stench is the first thing; it hits you like a train. A train filled with sewage. Your nostrils may warn not to go any further, but you must persevere. As you slowly enter the sordid, questionable establishment, the first thing you notice may be the fact that to label it a night club is an enormous overstatement.

Drink of choice for many jesters patrons (or possibly worn by many jesters patrons!!)

The lethal staircase leads down to nothing more than a grimy, underground pub with a tiny dance floor. Another Jesterian will promptly spill a Snakebite down your favourite blouse and you will wonder why you even bothered dressing up. You decide it’s time for a drink as it seems like the only way you’ll get through the night is to get absolutely Charlie Sheen-ed.

At this point, Jesters becomes the most amazing, fantastic place on the face of the planet. You stop caring about the fact that you’re practically swimming in other people’s filth, sweat, beer, tears and mascara. It doesn’t matter if groups of lads are urinating in the sink or off the balcony, or if every alcove of the club has been unofficially recognised as a ‘chunder corner.’ It’s no shocker that the bar staff actually wear wellington boots.

Carla Bascuet from Barcelona says: “I’ve been drinking here with my friends for years and as long as you are very, very drunk, it’s not such a bad place!” Wise words, Carla. The general squalor of the decor aside, it’s not such a terrible club. From a fresher’s perspective, Jesters is actually so bad, it’s good. Just beware of the grinding men, the various showers of beer and stay away from the ridiculously strong shots served from the bar.

One 3rd year student sums up the place in a nutshell: “Jesters is like Marmite, I suppose; students either love it or hate it, not to mention that it always seems to be covered in a thick layer of brown stuff!”
It is the ultimate student pub/club if you’re looking for a cheap outing; and for me, as a fresher’s first Jesters experience, it became a night I really can’t remember with the people I know I won’t forget.