Focus Sports – Uni to go BANKRUPT

Having seen the recent articles in the Wessex Scene over the focus sports row I decided to use my expert journalism skills to dive a little deeper. I noticed early on that Teddy mentioned the £20,000 grant used to pay for focus sports comes from the university which I find rather fascinating among all the teaching and budget cuts.

What I later found absolutely frazzled me.

I met with the university’s Chief Finance Officer Edwards Arghverywher on the 26th of March to discuss the funding and the long term viability of focus sports.

He explained to me that for the 2010-2011 year the grant spent on focus sports, not only went to the focus sports program but also to extending the mirrors in the Jubilee Gym as Teddy was actually too tall to fit in them. Furthermore, that as the university was already in massive debt, the initial grant just went down on its bank loan as more spending, attached with a 1 year I.O.U. and a few kisses.

He went on to explain that “students are really spoilt”, and that he had prayed for a tuition fees rise, as then they could cloak the grant as a budget cut from somewhere else.

My prayers where answered when big ol’ DC cut all the pensions. So we cut our lecturers pensions deeper than everyone else to pay for the focus sports grant.

I told him that I was honestly disgusted with my findings and he noted that the whole thing was really funny.

When they had their little picket thing, we hired a tramp to hold a ‘honk if you support us’ sign by the road crossing, and then me and the VC rofled out of our pane diamond window

So what about the future of the focus sports grant?

Edwards went further as to show me the power point of his 3 year financial plan, it had all those cool sound effects in it as well like a typewriter.

YEAR 1: Give £20k to Teddy, write an I.O.U. to the bank, find the money somewhere

YEAR 2: Give £20k to Jonny, Put the money down as ‘Tsunami Insurance’ on the balance sheet

YEAR 3: Become insolvent, tell David we’re “Too Big To Fail”, get bailed out

So basically – Focus Sports is bankrupting the Unisversity