Oscars 2011 – The Live Blog (Sort Of)

The latest batch of Oscars have been handed out...

Whilst the Oscar ceremony was taking place, I blogged about what was happening live for those of you who couldn’t face staying up to watch the show to read. I hope you like it. I must admit though, that due to a misconception that I could watch the ceremony on Sky Player, (It turns out you can’t) I was forced to watch it all on various dodgy online streams that were steadily hunted down and terminated by the Oscar police. So although there were a few interruptions, nothing major was missed. Anyway, enjoy!

Helena Bonham-Carter has found herself on plenty of worst dressed lists already

A few red carpet observations

– Cate Blanchett looks like someone dumped mustard on her dress.

– Oh God. What happened to Geoffrey Rush? He looks like Dr Robotnik!

– Jennifer Lawrence is apparently the new cast member of Baywatch.

– Natalie Portman looks ready to pop. And like she’s about to cry.

– Helena Bonham Carter’s hair looks like a brown Flubber has attached itself to her head. And THAT garter. Interesting.

The Ceremony Begins!

1.30am: This should be starting any second. I’m watching this on a rather unreliable online stream, so forgive me if I miss anything.

1.32: Right. The ceremony’s kicking off with a James Franco/Anne Hathaway/Inception skit. Oh look. There’s Alec Baldwin. And now it’s The Social Network. And now The Fighter. Ah, I see. It’s a runthrough of all the Best Picture nominees. Hmm. It’s actually pretty funny. Although they just made a ‘Brown Duck’ joke with Black Swan and killed it.

1.37: The actual ceremony has started! Franco and Hathaway looking very nervous. Not much spectacle to it so far…although James Franco just totally went there about him being nominated and Hathaway not. Props to him.

1.40: Oh my lord. They’re pointing out their parents. This is awkward. Although Franco just pointed out his grandma and the moment became very sweet…then she mentioned Marky Mark and now it’s weird again.

1.42: Tom Hanks out to present the first award – and then my online stream cuts out. Oops. Missed a bit. Up to speed now – they’re kicking off with Art Direction and Cinematography.

1.45: Art Direction goes to Alice In Wonderland! Bah. ‘Alice In Wonderland’ has an Oscar. The winner’s acceptance speech (sorry, I missed his name in all the excitement) went on far too long.

1:46: Best Cinematography goes to…Wally Pfister for ‘Inception!’ Great! Although it’s a shame that Roger Deakins missed out again for ‘True Grit.’ Still, Inception’s technical achievements are getting recognised, so that’s always good.

1.48: First commercial break already. This is going to be a long night.

Melissa Leo wins 'Best Supporting Actress' but is shocked to see the Orc presenter

1.51: And we’re back. Kirk Douglas is onstage and looks like a cross between an Orc and Bilbo. He seems to be perving on Anne Hathaway, always a good thing. He’s here to present Best Supporting Actress.

1.57: Best Supporting Actress, the first major award of the night, and it goes to…drum roll…Kirk Douglas is still talking…and it goes to…OH MY GOD HE’S STILL TALKING. Just say the name! It goes to…Melissa Leo for ‘The Fighter.’ She looks shocked and a little bit unhappy.

1.58: Kirk Douglas is finally being led offstage. Melissa Leo’s patting herself on the back quite a bit…and she just dropped the F word! Wow! ABC (the network that broadcasts the show in the US) is going to be in trouble. This is quite the catastrophic acceptance speech. Surprised she hasn’t been played off stage yet.

2.01: Leo just bumped into Kirk Douglas. Massive awards fail.

2:03: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis out to present the Animated awards. ‘Toy Story 3’ is going to walk all over this, but first we’ll have Best Animated Short.

Toy Story 3 scooped the award for 'Animated Feature'

2:03: Best Animated Short goes to ‘The Lost Thing.’ Never heard of it, but this is a pretty nice awards speech…but now they’re being played offstage.

2.07: Animated Feature goes to…’Toy Story 3!’ Saw that coming. This also means it’s not going to win ‘Best Picture,’ which is a mighty shame. Lee Unkrich’s speech is pretty standard but pretty heartwarming.

2.08: My stream’s gone out again. When I got it back, the Oscars had somehow morphed into ‘Armageddon’ in Spanish. Fail. Sorry for the interruption.

2.13: We’re back with Best Adapted Screenplay. Sorry if I missed anything. My new stream is ridiculously slow… Got it back just in time to see that Aaron Sorkin has won his first Oscar for ‘The Social Network!’ And deservedly so, though Sorkin doesn’t seem to notice that he’s getting played off stage, and good for him.

2.17: Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin to present Original Screenplay. They look like Oompa Loompas in their white tuxedos. Best Original Screenplay nominees. This had better go to ‘Inception’…

2.18: And it goes to…’The King’s Speech.’ Pshh. David Seidler’s being very humble about it, though. Good for him for giving a shout out to fellow stutterers. This could be the start of a ‘King’s Speech’ triumph. Commercial break.

An interesting role reversal skit...

2.24: Oh lord. We’re back, and Anne Hathaway is back in a tuxedo and singing about Hugh Jackman. That’s never good. He looks genuinely bewildered. And now James Franco is out in a frock, which would be horrifying if not for his killer joke about Charlie Sheen.

2.27: Russell Brand and Helen Mirren out to present Best Foreign Language Film. Only seen ‘Biutiful’ out of all these, so I’m rooting for that. But it’s gone to ‘In A Better World’, a Danish film.

2.30: Reese Witherspoon out to present Best Supporting Actor. This has Christian Bale written all over it.  And it goes to…Bale! Good for him, but not for his beard. He looks like he’s got a massive hamster on his face. Well played to him for making fun of his infamous sweary rant.

2.35: Interesting that they didn’t try and play Bale off. Presumably they assumed he’d wig out.

2.38: My stream’s gone out again. Mass apologies. The internet is unreliable, who knew?

2.43: Phew. We’re back just in time for Best Original Score. They’ve got an orchestra out to play samples from all the nominees – impressive!

2.45: ‘The Social Network’s score has won! Excellent that a modern, electronic soundtrack has taken it! ‘Inception’ has now missed out on all the major awards though (it isn’t going to win Best Picture, just face it), only technical ones for it now.

'Inception' has picked up 3 of the lesser Oscars so far

2.48: ‘Inception’ takes Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. Good good, but these are the two awards that people care the least about. Still, three Oscars for ‘Inception’ are better than no Oscars for ‘Inception.’

2.52: Well, it would appear my new stream is from German TV, based on the adverts. Interesting…

2.57: Cate Blanchett out for Best Makeup and Costume Design. Makeup goes to ‘The Wolfman’ and famous makeup maestro Rick Baker. Good for him. Costume Design goes to ‘Alice In Wonderland’…which makes it two Oscars for that shambolic film. Eurgh. And the winner is reading her acceptance speech off a piece of paper. That’s not good. And she is doing a Sorkin, not noticing that she’s being played off.

3.02: Best Original Song looks like it’s next. Hope this one goes to ‘We Belong Together’ for ‘Toy Story 3’ as that’s a massive guilty pleasure for me.

3.04: Nope, it’s just performances of each nominee. First up is Randy Newman, and he seems to be flopping it a bit. I keep expecting him to go “pretty lady walking over…”

3.08: After Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi’s singalong, it’s time for another break. Phew.

3.12: Crap. Stream’s gone out AGAIN. Damn copyright bastards…here’s ‘We Belong Together’ to tide us all over…

3.14: It seems that during my search for a new site, Best Documentary Shorts was announced, the winner being ‘Strangers No More.’ Good for it, I guess.

3.16: Still not managed to find a new online stream, but ‘God of Love’ has just taken best Live Short. Am looking heavily for a new stream and will hopefully be back on soon.

3.21: Best Documentary Feature has gone to ‘Inside Job.’ Kind of saw that coming, but it’s a shame that ‘Exit Through The Gift Shop’ didn’t get anywhere as it would have been interesting to see if Banksy could have collected it…

3.33: Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law of ‘Sherlock Holmes’ fame are out to present Best Visual Effects and Best Editing. ‘Inception’ just took Best Visual Effects! Great! So far it’s won the most Oscars tonight. Finally found a new stream, but unfortunately it’s dubbed in Spanish and it’s a bit tricky to hear the acceptance speeches, so you’ll have to bear with me.

Is 'The Social Network' in with a chance of winning Best Picture?

3.35: ‘The Social Network’ just took Best Editing! This bodes well for its Best Picture chances – Editing winners usually go on to win Best Picture as well.

3.41: Managed to get back online just to catch the start of  Florence Welch singing Dido’s song from ‘127 Hours.’  Never thought I’d say this, but I preferred Dido’s version. And now local hate figure Gwyneth Paltrow is here to sing ‘Coming Home’ from ‘Country Strong.’

3.45: Best Original Song, as presented by Jennifer Hudson…goes to Randy Newman for ‘Toy Story 3!’ Excellent! Guilty pleasures will always win out. His acceptance speech seems a little bit all over the place. Something about television. I don’t know, maybe I’m tired.

3.52: Back to the ceremony after adverts, time for the In Memoriam section, where the Academy honors all those that have passed away in the last year. It’s a very poignant sequence, and- OH GOD, CELINE DION’S COME OUT TO SING AS AN ACCOMPANIMENT. THIS IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO GIVE THESE LEGENDS A SEND-OFF.

3.57: Another ad break already? They must be warming up for the last big four awards…

Tom Hooper swipes Best Director, a triumph for British cinema

4.01: In the final stretch now, and Hilary Swank and Kathryn Bigelow are out to present Best Director. Fincher or Hooper? Fincher or Hooper?! It’s…HOOPER. Okay, ‘The King’s Speech’ has got the rest of it sewn up. Still annoyed – it’s a great film, but there’s no way it was directed better than ‘The Social Network’ or even ‘Black Swan.’

4.04: Tom Hooper is making a pretty good acceptance speech though, props to him. And I suppose this is great for the British film industry.

4.11: We’re onto the acting awards! Jeff Bridges is out to do Best Actress duties. This is tense – he’s going through each nominee one by one and praising them all individually.

4.16: Natalie Portman takes Best Actress! Great for her! Aw bless, she’s crying. Blame it on the hormones. This is a very long acceptance speech. Natalie seems to want to thank everyone on the planet, but she’s so adorable that she’s earned it.

4.19: Anne Hathaway flubbed her lines on the teleprompter whilst introducing Sandra Bullock. Standard. Best Actor is on the way now. Ooh Javier Bardem looks a bit tubby.

Sandra Bullock congratulates Colin Firth as he accepts the Best Actor Oscar

4.25: Well, duh. Colin Firth took Best Actor, and absolutely deservedly so. “I have a feeling my career’s just peaked” – absolutely brilliant. He’s stumbling over his words a bit in his speech though – maybe he’s still in character (zing)! Wrapped it up well.

4.28: Commercial break, and the last one before Best Picture. Quick roundup: Four awards for Inception, three for The King’s Speech and The Social Network, two for Alice in Wonderland, The Fighter and Toy Story 3, and one each for The Wolfman and Black Swan (and the documentaries and shorts, but no one remembers those)

4.32: We’re back for the last hurrah – Best Picture, and Steven Spielberg is out to present it! Quick, here are the nominees in case you’d forgotten: ‘Black Swan,’ ‘The Fighter,’ ‘127 Hours,’ ‘The King’s Speech,’ ‘Inception,’ ‘Toy Story 3,’ ‘The Social Network,’ ‘Winter’s Bone,’ ‘The Kids Are All Right’ and ‘True Grit.’ And the winner is…

4.34: Is it a sign that they’re playing the speech from The King’s Speech over a montage of the rest of the nominees?

'The King's Speech' is victorious at the Oscars!

4.36: ‘THE KING’S SPEECH!’ Britain has triumphed! In four huge categories, too. This represents a huge triumph against the morons who canned the UK Film Council, who helped get the film made. A huge congrats to everyone involved in an excellent film. Can’t believe they’re playing the producers off the stage – you can give 5 minutes to Melissa Leo but not to the winners of Best Picture???

And that concludes my Oscar ‘live’ blog. A very predictable year, with no major surprises. Look out for a proper post-awards analysis from me sometime tomorrow. On that note, it’s 5am, and I’m going to bed. Thanks for reading, all.