What ARE they on about? The Presidential Manifestos

So many manifestos, so little time

Election time has rolled around again, so for those who care that means delving through countless manifestos and trying to work out how the candidates are different from each other. To save vital time and effort, The Tab has plunged through pages of waffle to give you all the pertinent points. We’ve covered the Presidents today, with more coverage soon to come.

Charlotte ‘Charlsberg’ Davison

Ex-Bencraft JCR Vice President and current School of Humanities President, Charlotte has used a proven vote-winning technique and given herself a silly nickname: “Charlsberg” (if you don’t get the reference, how did you even get in to Southampton?). Charlotte makes a very bold claim in her manifesto, pledging to increase contact hours for students. Good luck with that!

Charlie ‘Horrible’ Torrible

Possibly the most fantastic moustache we've ever seen on a student

Another candidate with a penchant for nicknames and rhyming, Mr Torrible is running under the imaginative slogan:

Dont be terrible. Vote for Torrible!

The apostrophe is missing from his election poster, you can tell he’s not an english student. Charlie is known for his moustache, his work as Men’s Officer, and his position of ‘brand manager’ for the new Saturday night event at the Cube, Rubix (see what he did there?). A staple of manifesto pledges is improving the Union’s flagship venue but Charlie seems to be the first candidate with an actual plan.

Aaron ‘Sacked’ Bali

Aaron is possibly the busiest student in SUSU despite actually losing his Officer position for not turning up to meetings. His manifesto could be the longest simply by listing all the committees he attends.

As for the rest of his manifesto: there is a section on sustainability which appears to be unique among the candidates, due to his time as Environment and Ethics Officer.

Derek ‘Monorail’ Mallinson

Last year Derek had ambitious plans to build a monorail.

Derek’s manifesto will be familiar to those of us who remember last years elections. His plan to build a Southampton-wide monorail system has sadly not resurfaced, but his pledge to fill in Church Lane with concrete is back!

His manifesto is littered with spelling mistakes, making it look like he’d had 10 pints before he’d started.

Jazz ‘Off-licence’ Sherman

Jazz is never without a smile on her face

The candidate with the coolest name has got straight to the point in her manifesto: 4 bullet points to provide memorable snippets and sound bites. The first point that leaps out is making SUSU shop into an off-licence which I can imagine being hugely popular with students but hated by the University. Crate of Fosters in lectures anyone?

Samuel ‘Uncle’ Ling

The oldest of the candidates, married with a child on the way, Sam Ling seems rather different to the rest of the cohort. Involved in SUSU for 5 years, Sam’s manifesto is approximately one million pages long. It seems to be the most structured of the manifestos but I can’t imagine your average student reading the whole thing.

One thing Sam is pushing for that we particularly like is to stop the Uni from introducing lectures 8am-8pm. No one wants to go to a lecture at 7pm when they’re getting ready to go out.

Jess Staff

Jess has always been a big fan of the facepaint

As 6 of the past 8 SUSU Presidents have been ex-Chamberlain, Jess has got some big shoes to fill. The manifesto has 6 headings making it a nice easy read. One stand-out point is reform of Union Council. As The Tab has previously reported, Union Council is a little bit inefficient and could do with a shake up.

Alex Cunningham

Not the most exciting manifesto out there. The points Alex makes are all very valid and sensible, just a little dull. Come on Alex, pledge for a SUSU petting zoo or something outrageous please! However, particularly pertinent is Alex’s plan for reforming student housing in Southampton. The Tab has pointed out on two occasions the problems students face from landlords, and any efforts SUSU make to solve them would be appreciated.


That’s all on the prospective Presidents, check back with The Tab soon for updates on the rest of the Sabbatical Candidates.




All manifestos are online at http://www.susu.org/elections