Sobar Takes Action on Toilet Loiterers

Last week as I manoeuvred down the narrow stairs to the toilets in Sobar (which, incidentally, are dangerous enough when in heels after arguably more doubles than necessary) it occurred to me how very ‘Portswood’ it is to have to battle your way to the toilets.

Oh, and just to clear it up, if you’re one of the guys who think it’s appropriate to lurk on those stairs and try it on with the drunk girls struggling to get up them, it isn’t.

There you have it loiterers, your days are numbered.

As a girl in Sobar, getting down the stairs is just half the battle of a toilet trip, since you then have to face the ridiculous queue of screaming, drunken girls all loudly declaring how they’re ‘going to wet themselves.’ Fabulous.

However, last week I realised Sobar have answered my prayers, when I saw the poster they’d stuck up here, there and everywhere around the loos, banning political debates, philosophical arguments and general chit chat. In short: ‘Please just do your business quickly.’

I smirked at it above the mirror as I touched up my whiskers and adjusted my tail (it’s Sobar, that’s allowed), followed by a lipstick application and a hair combing. Then I had a whinge with a girl on my course about a new module and gossiped about an unfortunate new haircut that had been recently witnessed.

Following this, I got involved in five or six generic ‘smiling girls in the toilets’ photos, the kind everyone regrets when they appear on Facebook. It’s true, look in any girl’s Sobar album and there will be a pointless toilet shot. To top off my toilet experience, I then went for a final hair and makeup check, when it finally clicked: I am the ultimate toilet loiterer.

I am the person I whinge about, and the person who causes the epic queues. Now I know you’ll never be able to make the Sobar toilets lurker-free, since they will always be the breeding ground for excess drunken makeup application and cruel compliments to the larger ladies who so often seem to choose lycra-based fancy dress costumes.

But from now on I am going to try and change my loitering habits, because it’s not actually that hard to relocate the standard toilet chat (i.e snide remarks about the unfortunate outfit an ex is wearing tonight and how much weight your old flatmate’s put on) to out in the garden.

So girls, Sobar’s cheeky posters have a point. Stop the weird toilet loitering habits we’ve all acquired from somewhere before it’s too late and one of you really does wet yourself!